Book review - The Fault in our stars

A brilliant book by John Green which attacks on a psychological level while you are immersed in the captivating plot. There’s much more to be taken from the book which cannot be done while reading in a flow. One needs to go over and reflect. It is not like an Ayn Rand novel where you seek to take in something from each chapter. In TFioS you reflect before you go to sleep. And after you wake up. And in between that. It offers some brilliant quotes for the reader to take back.

‘How are you?’ ‘Grand.’

‘Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.’

‘Pain demands to be felt.’

‘I’m on a roller coaster that only goes up!’

‘It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you.’

The story disgusts, charms, enlightens, and makes you cry. You contemplate it all through the mind of a 16 year old girl learning to live with cancer. With each passing page, you know the best part of the journey is yet to come, but by far it has been grand! Which also brings fear. Much like the roller coaster described in the novel. And it offers the fall as well.

Book Review – The Chakra Deck

I started my journey with “The Chakra Deck” by Olivia Miller 7 months ago and have never looked back. I’d heard of the concept of chakras and had been curious about what they were and how they worked. Olivia Miller takes you through a step-by-step process of 50 cards slowly elucidating how to work with each chakra. Each chakra is described in a set of 7 cards with 2 explanation cards, 1 breathing card, 3 yoga poses, and a meditation technique. The 50^th card relates to the aura which is a surrounding force for all chakras. I first went through the series in the prescribed order. Going through one chakra at a time, with 7 cards of each, spending a day of contemplation on each card. The set left me wanting for more. So I went through the deck again, this time going through all the explanation cards first, then all the breathing cards, all yoga poses, and finally all meditation cards. Lusting for more, I did the entire thing again in random order. This time I was done. Going through 50 cards 3 times took me 7 months, mostly due to my own lethargy. Nevertheless, meditation has become a daily part of my life right now. As I explore newer techniques and avenues to help mind, body, and soul, I’ve made a short summary of the deck for my own ready reference. Feel free to use.

Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz

I

She sits on a table top, unhindered, undisturbed

she gleams of glory both past and in now

Yet her smile seems rather broken

her demons have made home, in my angel’s heaven

She takes it all in, and makes it glow

She dazzles life’s lemons, and makes Christmas snow

But she keeps away from happiness, and engulfs her own world

Afraid what she may find, if time be allowed so

She doesn’t understand that pain demands to be felt

and I am willing to hold her hand when it does

My own heart grows weary with sorrow

but her presence close by, gives me hope for tomorrow

She complains that she is too reserved, and I come out too strong

she’s afraid that she’s too volatile, and I remain too uptight

Obviously I’ve just met her, and cannot fathom the depths of her soul

And I only wish for her time, to know if we could ever together grow old

Of course I can’t tell a girl I just met, that I might hopelessly be in love with her

but what is man if not fragile? How distant are we from altering our lives?

All it takes is one day, one phone call, one crash, one near miss

Some might say we are too fickle. I see it as being beautifully fragile

But she doesn’t care, she sits on her edge, waiting for her fall

And I only wish to hold her up, for her fall will not be hers alone

But she refuses sympathy and help, and takes on her demons herself

But secret in her heart, she wants her knight

But it’s not a white knight she wants, she awaits a dark knight

Who lets her fight her war, and waits for her return

Holds her in victory and defeat, and nurses her battle scars

Whom she could hold under a starry night, and feel she has arrived home

She had her home in the past, she saw how it burnt down

She’s been afraid of home ever since

At some point, she stopped believing, and told herself a different story

That the demons within her defined who she was

I tell her she’s wrong, and who likes to hear that?

And honestly I do not care, because I see her beyond what she sees in herself

She loved fiercely, lost big, and has lost heart

But she still sings honestly, and I know that all is not lost

 II

I watch the sun go down every day

It gives me a sense of calm

For fifteen minutes, the world gives me a sanctuary

And I hear the music meant for angels

Eagles soar across the sky

Claiming for themselves what man has merely teased

Such panache is of the winged creatures

Inspiring and frightening at the same time

In silent serene moments like these when I’m saying goodbye to yet another day

My mind lays in fray and I think of the one who doesn’t remember me

I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it

For this is no longer about what I feel for her, but what I wish to feel

Her thoughts come rushing to me like a river after a storm

Filling and emptying the chasms of my hollow heart

I hope I find her, I hope I have

But can I find my treasure of destiny before it find who I am?

 III

A storm brews in the heavens

And the Gods have let their will known

And I have become tired of playing the same over and over again

And now I want to stop playing, and I want to win

I know not the road I am on, I know not where it leads

My mind asks me not to risk all at once,

but if you’re not even taking a chance,

what are you even doing?

I know not if I’ll get to hold her hands some day or not

I know not if I’ll see her eyes twinkle like I know they can

I only know that it is what I want, and what I shall work towards

And to wait for those moments kills me

For I know if it is to be in the future,

I want the time I need to get to her

Rather than spending them in an abyss of hope and despair together

I want each passing moment, knowing that I have her by my side

And I yearn for the precious moments when I have her attention

and the moments when I have her presence

when the universe allows us to exist together

When I get to hear the melody of her voice

And I have been called crazy and much worse

And I take it all for I know my goal is what most people struggle to find all their lives

And when I feel I have a shot at it, I shall go after it with all I have

Because it takes the greatest sacrifice to find my soul

I do care for her beyond rationality, and wish her to have everything she has ever hoped for

I don’t mind if I’m not a part of her future, I want to know that she has found hers

And when you find that you don’t stop, even when they call you crazy, especially then!

For this is not some other disposable thing not worth fighting for, this is love

And I give you my word to take care of you through all your storms

for I see the your silver lining in each of them

I have seen you waiting for your rainbow

And I wish to sprinkle some rain

And angels can’t feel the wind on their faces

till they choose to fall

For from this moment and beyond

I shall love you as much as I can as long as I can

And we shall sit together by the ocean

Under the stars watching the moonlit waves

holding you close, and I shall know

That the road was long and weary, but in the end

We made it

Vishal Gupta

14^th May 2018

My Monster

Everyday, she tells me she’s a monster

Everyday, I fall for her a little bit more

Everyday, I try to make her adore me

Everyday, I can’t help but be honest with her

I feel afraid, that she might refuse

not because she’s certain, but in doubt

I wish, I could share her helplessness

but I push her in a battle she must fend alone

We reveal the worst of ourselves to one another

We can’t help but see the best

And I pray for one more chance

To win her once more all over again

Mind you, this isn’t a story of star-crossed lovers

destined by time and stirred by passion

It’s a story of human effort

Because that’s what’s needed

to tame, my Monster :)

Vishal Gupta

17^th November 2014              

Soulmates

The first time I found you, amidst a barrage of strangers

looking for a friendly face

I was taken, somewhat aback, when you courteously agreed

to acquaint me with a city I grew to know by your memories

The first walk we took, left me wanting for more

but alas! We had to depart, making way for our own journeys

only to meet back, in the same land once again

This time, not to acquaint, but to embrace

But let me not get ahead of myself

for ours is a story meant to be told at ease

For rushed may it have been in present

looking at it from the future, the memories fade slowly

I knew not much about you, save some bits which drew me to you

like the picture from an escapade of yours

straight hair, subtly curled up at the ends

fiery smile and ambitious eyes, a look that said “if you dare”

Yet a peace rested on your lovely face, of a woman at ease with herself

Seldom seen like a rare jewel, and somehow it never left my mind

You know that moment, that brief life-changing passing moment

when you look at someone, and you know, “she’s the one”

And it doesn’t take much to get to that realization

A smile, a look, a friendly “hi” and the heart might melt

In your case it was your name your eyes your talks your smile

And I knew even without meeting that we were - Soulmates

No words may pay tribute, to the time I spent with you

Little as it might have been, has left me with sweet memories

Memories enough to last a lifetime

And even though we are apart now, in my mind I shall always remember you

For I know no other way to think of you

apart to think that it was, and shall forever be love

There comes a time in a relationship,

when two good people need to move apart

Sometimes, the time isn’t right, sometimes the love isn’t enough

Sometimes the relationship is not ready for the people

Perhaps had we met in a different time at a different age

Perhaps I would have still loved you all the same

But perhaps it would have lasted, as it cannot now

For in these lives of ours we may never be together

and in this very life, I can never feel apart

You were my love my life my pain my disaster

my Pledge my Turn my Prestige

My summers my spring my hail my rain

my joy my sorrow my angel my monster

You taught an empty hearse of a heart to love again

and now that you are gone

I may never be able to pick up the pieces

But I fret not that it can never come back to me

I am joyous, for I had for an instance

more than what most get in a lifetime

And so you shall continue to exist

in every passing breath and every passing thought

for I cannot know a complete life bereft of your presence

And the half empty bed shall forever beckon

the knowledge than you are gone

And the solemn look on my face shall never reveal

that you took my smiles when you left

for it is easy to move on, when you are able to hate

Or perhaps when you’re unable to feel

But to move on and still love

does not allow you to regain happiness

And I know if I live in this lack of agony,

then you must too, desperate to feel

Joy sorrow anger bewilderment – something

But these are questions, one knows not the answers to

And I know not, how to live on without you

Each day I get further, in learning to live with your memories

Some day I shall find it in me, to be at peace with your thought

and the imagination of your being, your thoughts, your words

Everything but your presence I shall carry along

Pushing myself to the brinks of misery and madness

For this is my love, and the only way I know how

For what is love if not to make yourself vulnerable

                                          

Vishal Gupta

26 November 2017