10 April, 2020

A Storm Brewing

You know that moment
right after the break-up
When you’re full of love
but have lost the one you could pour it on
Your heart is heavy
you wonder how we got here
You miss, not the person
but how you felt
Yearning, to feel it once again
you look at the phone directory
Someone. Anyone…
Who may be able to understand
what’s going on in your heaving heart
lest it bursts out of your chest

He sits solemnly alone in a room
this book has occupied his evenings for several days
engrossed, he instinctively reaches for his phone,
checks for messages. Nothing
He returns to the book
A quiet moment has gripped the room
Like the one right before the rain
Like something is about to happen
A ring. A name. A face. Memories.
He smiles before accepting, savoring the moment
He says hello, anxiety speaks from the other side
He knows some terrible ill has befallen
and she needs to be heard

Her heart is heavy with emotion and words are difficult to find
She made the call but cannot tell him of the dreams that haunt her
Instead, she tells him about her day
How she spends time watching a lot of videos
And is unable to wake up to face the next day
How she’s gained a few pounds recently
And how she’s determined to lose it again
And suddenly she apologizes
For now she understands how he had felt once
She understands now, his love for her
She doesn’t want him back, as he is still the same guy
She knows he won’t take her back, as she is a changed woman

He realizes her heartbreak, but chooses not to mention
instead he sticks to listening
it’s been long since someone has heard her
and longer since he’s had the sweet ring of her voice
Life seems to have humbled her
and she sounds like the girl he was once in love with
She needs to be told all is well with the world
and she is safe as long as he’s there
But he’s lost the right to say that long ago
If only he could hold her once again
She would know she never left his thoughts
And find home in the comfort of his arms

He finds it easy to forgive her
She realizes he has moved on with life
That’s what people do, they move on
Time heals everything, but does not spare the pain
She will heal too someday, she knows
But not today, today she wishes there was no time ahead at all
Today she wishes for just a moment, a moment with someone
Someone to tell her that her world has not broken apart
And that’s what she sought from this call
Her mood has lightened, her heart has not
she will find the pillow wet in the morning again
for he might have forgiven her
she’ll take far longer to forgive herself

A song appears in his head out of nowhere
a song he thought he has long forgotten
something they had shared long ago
something he hadn’t touched since her departure
he couldn’t place it at once
but like a strong sea current rushing to make love to the ocean
it quickly took shape


Vishal Gupta
9 January 2020