A Storm Brewing

You know that moment

right after the break-up

When you’re full of love

but have lost the one you could pour it on

Your heart is heavy

you wonder how we got here

You miss, not the person

but how you felt

Yearning, to feel it once again

you look at the phone directory

Someone. Anyone…

Who may be able to understand

what’s going on in your heaving heart

lest it bursts out of your chest

He sits solemnly alone in a room

this book has occupied his evenings for several days

engrossed, he instinctively reaches for his phone,

checks for messages. Nothing

He returns to the book

A quiet moment has gripped the room

Like the one right before the rain

Like something is about to happen

A ring. A name. A face. Memories.

He smiles before accepting, savoring the moment

He says hello, anxiety speaks from the other side

He knows some terrible ill has befallen

and she needs to be heard

Her heart is heavy with emotion and words are difficult to find

She made the call but cannot tell him of the dreams that haunt her

Instead, she tells him about her day

How she spends time watching a lot of videos

And is unable to wake up to face the next day

How she’s gained a few pounds recently

And how she’s determined to lose it again

And suddenly she apologizes

For now she understands how he had felt once

She understands now, his love for her

She doesn’t want him back, as he is still the same guy

She knows he won’t take her back, as she is a changed woman

He realizes her heartbreak, but chooses not to mention

instead he sticks to listening

it’s been long since someone has heard her

and longer since he’s had the sweet ring of her voice

Life seems to have humbled her

and she sounds like the girl he was once in love with

She needs to be told all is well with the world

and she is safe as long as he’s there

But he’s lost the right to say that long ago

If only he could hold her once again

She would know she never left his thoughts

And find home in the comfort of his arms

He finds it easy to forgive her

She realizes he has moved on with life

That’s what people do, they move on

Time heals everything, but does not spare the pain

She will heal too someday, she knows

But not today, today she wishes there was no time ahead at all

Today she wishes for just a moment, a moment with someone

Someone to tell her that her world has not broken apart

And that’s what she sought from this call

Her mood has lightened, her heart has not

she will find the pillow wet in the morning again

for he might have forgiven her

she’ll take far longer to forgive herself

A song appears in his head out of nowhere

a song he thought he has long forgotten

something they had shared long ago

something he hadn’t touched since her departure

he couldn’t place it at once

but like a strong sea current rushing to make love to the ocean

it quickly took shape

“So close to me… feels so hard to breathe… so hard to hold back… let’s just take it slow…

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight…”

Vishal Gupta

9 January 2020

तुम आना

तुम आना पहली बारिश कि तरह

जो महकती हवाएँ ले आये

तुम जाना डूबते सूरज कि तरह

जो आसमाँ में चन्द सितारे छोड़ जाए

तुम आना बीतते उस लम्हे कि तरह

जो भागती हुई ज़िंदगी को थाम ले

तुम जाना जाना नींद के उस पल कि तरह

जो चुपचाप सपनो कि दुनिया में ले जाये

तुम आना तूफ़ां की कि तरह

जिसका आगाज़ दूर से हो

तुम जाना गूँज कि तरह

ज़रा हौले से

अगर जाने-आज़माने का इरादा है

तो फिर कभी और आना

तुम आना तो पूरी तरह आना

या तो आना ही मत

विशाल गुप्ता

16-02-2020

Maybe. Someday

Ever heard the whisper of loneliness?

Or the screams of silence?

The sound of unrequited love?

The vacuum left behind once a heart has been bared?

The moment a person is on your mind

And you scroll through rectangles

for there is a chime which is happiness for you

And it has found happiness somewhere else

The conscious mind can only inflict pains

that it can tolerate on itself

The unconscious is more cruel

not knowing the pains it condemns

Struggling through a barrage of “maybe” and “someday”

you ponder on the wave of emotions two words can bring

Maybe. Someday. She says

Maybe, someday… you hear

Looking for respite from your own mind

You seek comfort which distance denies

in food and flesh and sweat and thrift

Not knowing voids such are uncompromised

Torture is not what the body endures

torture is the image the mind conjures

For every punishment is first suffered in the mind

and every scar is etched last from memory

Going through the day with endless words

Knowing which are not safe to venture on

Dancing carefully, on the carpet of dreams

Yet finding moments, which avert belief

Perhaps a stranger could lend an ear

One who comes without judgment’s fear

No prejudices on how holy we ought to have been

just be hear our story and never again be seen

And distances make me so helpless

that I envy the coffee cup

which gets to kiss your sleepy lips

awake every cold and bitter morning

And I wait for you to love me

the way I know I cannot stop loving you

but someday my persistence may fail my love

because I deserve more than a “maybe. Someday”

Vishal Gupta

27 January 2020

Sweet Nothings

Come hither! Wait. Whisper,

sweet nothings in my ear

Tell me about all the things

that did not happen during the day

And let us look into each other’s eyes

and see the dreams we will never have

For long I have wandered in forests of activity

once, I wish to bathe in the rivers of sweet nothing

Drop me a message in the middle of the day

only to say that you were thinking of me

Smile, make me smile, share a hug online

Cure my anxiety of if you’ve forgotten me in the past hours

when I have pined to hear your voice

to see your face to touch your hand

To feel my world is complete again

Kiss me randomly begging the question “why”

with the only answer as “because I wanted to”

Share an unexpected hug

spend the day huddled under a sheet over a movie we won’t remember

Or take me to a faraway land

only to never leave the room and watch the sky change colors

To see how the birds fly and how flowers bloom

And how each day beckons the next in the presence of you

Share the morning tea with me, share the goodnight kiss

Be my first sight of the day, be the last hug I give

Talk to me about your day, and your miles to go before you sleep

the things to read the sights to see

the music to dance the wines to cherish

And stay close to me in those quiet moments

when arms express so much more than words ever can

And understand me on the unkind days

when destiny has not been too kind to me

When regrets come to haunt me again

and when darkness looms, as it inevitably does

Life will not come to us with an instruction manual

it will come, I hope, with you

And I promise that I will choose to love My Monster

on the days that will be difficult

Because my love is not my gift you

it is my gift to my life

So don’t stop dancing when the music stops

and just hold me close

Maybe the music will find us again

Vishal Gupta

9 January 2020

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