I’m sorry about
tonight
Let me present to you the world of
dating apps. You may know them by different names – Tinder, Bumble, Hinge,
Aisle, Grindr... There are as many of them as there are victims of loneliness. Now,
if you're a woman, swiping right on Tinder is like opening a treasure chest
with an all-access pass to a buffet of male suitors. Each flick of the finger
summons a chorus of admirers, begging for a chance to win her affection.
Meanwhile, the men of Tinder, oh, the poor blokes! They're lost in a labyrinth
of swipes, where even the most endearing profile is likely to get buried
beneath an avalanche of ignored right swipes. It's a game where women hold all
the cards, and men cling to the hope that one day they'll be the chosen one.
I’ve been on these apps for a long time now. How long you
ask? I have seen girls completing college on these apps. I have seen girls find
dates, get married, get divorced, and come back to these apps. I have seen the
same girls across city, state, and even country lines. In an odd-sort of a way,
it feels a small little community of lonely people watching each other grow up
together. I still prefer this to the vigilant watchfulness of my neighbours.
So on one such escapade, I happened to meet my latest match,
a woman whose profile seemed like the perfect blend of wit, charm, and
intelligence.
Her name: Lily
Her pictures: Good enough to arouse intrigue but not give
anything away
Her bio: That’s what she said. Who said? Me. I’m She!
I challenged her to a game where I would quote 5/10 of her
favourite books. If I could, we would go out for dinner, else we would unmatch
each other and move on. On three instances, it was her favourite quote from the
book as well. On five instances, I gave the wrong answer. By the tenth answer,
she wanted me to win! As Podrik always said – “Winning doesn’t make legends. Winning by a thin margin does.”
We exchanged a few more witty messages, and I was already
looking forward to meeting her in person. Our plan was to meet at a trendy
coffee shop downtown, the perfect setting for a casual yet engaging first date.
But little did I know that fate had a different plan in store for us.
As I entered the coffee shop, my eyes searched for the girl
whose charm had already captured my attention. I spotted her sitting by the
window, and my heart skipped a beat. She was even more stunning in person, with
a smile that could light up the entire room.
‘So, um... you like reading books?’ I asked as we settled
down.
‘Oh, definitely!’ she replied. ‘I'm a total bookworm. How
about you?’
‘Well, I used to read a lot in school, you know, like those
'Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy'’ I said. ‘But now, I'm more into memes, you
know? Memes are like short books for the Gen Z.’
She giigled, ‘Oh, I get it. So, what do you do for a
living?’
‘I'm into investment banking. Stressed assets management to
be specific. So as you can imagine, the job is full of stress. But don't worry;
I won't bore you with technical jargon.’ I winked.
‘That's good to know,’ she said through laughs. ‘So, what
are your hobbies?’
‘Well, I'm really into binge-watching TV shows. I've
completed 'Sacred Games' twice, but my mom still insists I'm not
"holy" enough.’
She burst up laughing at this. ‘Your mom sounds fun! Mine
thinks I'm still 12 years old and asks me to "grow up" every time I
buy something pink.’
‘That’s moms for you!’ I said. ‘So, tell me, what's the
craziest thing you've ever done?’
‘Oh, I once tried to dance like a Bollywood star at a family
wedding.’ She paused for a moment before continuing, ‘let's just say I
accidentally knocked over the cake and became the star of the party, but not in
a good way.’
It was my turn to burst up. ‘Oh no! At least you made it
memorable,’ I said. ‘You know, I once tried to impress a girl by doing a
backflip, but I ended up on my back. Literally.’
‘Seriously? That's hilarious! Well, at least you've got some
epic stories to tell.’
‘Oh, for sure. Life's all about those awkward moments that
become great stories later, right?’
‘Absolutely!’ She said. ‘So, tell me, if you were a book
character, who would you be?’
I’d responded without a beat. ‘Oh, easy! I'd be the funny
sidekick who cracks jokes all the time, but secretly is the main villain of the
story.’
She smiled, ‘that sounds like a character I'd love to read
about. You know a lot of boyfriends can be like that.’
‘Well, I don’t have a lot of experience with a lot of
boyfriends,’ I said. ‘Not yet anyway.’
‘You never know. Life has a funny way of surprising us.’
We laughed, and the conversation flowed effortlessly. We
discussed our favorite books, movies, and shared silly childhood stories. I was
having the time of my life, and for a moment, it felt like the dating gods had
finally smiled upon me.
But as the universe loves to remind us, happiness can be
fleeting. Just as I was about to suggest ordering dessert, Lily's phone rang.
She excused herself and stepped outside to take the call.
Minutes turned into what felt like an eternity, and I
started to feel a little uneasy. Did something happen? Was it an emergency? Did
her dog get run over? As my mind raced through various scenarios, Lily finally
returned, looking flustered.
“I'm so sorry, something urgent came up at work, and I have
to go,” she said apologetically.
I tried my best to hide my disappointment and replied, “No
worries, things happen. Maybe we can reschedule?”
“Definitely!” she replied, giving me that warm smile I was
already beginning to fall for. “Let me make it up to you, how about dinner
tomorrow?”
I agreed, hoping that the next day would bring a more
eventful date. But as fate would have it, Lily's work emergency turned into a
series of unfortunate events that kept postponing our dinner plans.
First, there was a sudden power outage at her workplace,
then a misplaced document that needed her immediate attention, and finally, a
mishap that involved her rescuing a stray kitten from a tree.
Each time, Lily would call, apologize profusely, and assure
me that she was determined to make it up to me.
At this point, I couldn't help but feel like I was starring
in a rom-com gone wrong. But I couldn't stay mad at Lily. She always said that
she would make it up to me, and in such a sweet manner. I was already looking
forward to “being made up to” for all those mishaps. I hoped for a grand “making
up” that was sure to be in store for me. So, we kept rescheduling, and every
time, something unexpected would happen, from hilarious misadventures to
downright bizarre situations.
One day, she called me, laughing, and said, “You won't believe it, but I accidentally
locked myself in the bathroom at work. It took the janitor an hour to get me
out!”
Another time, she texted me, “I'm so sorry, but I got lost on my way to the restaurant. I ended up
having dinner with a group of tourists!”
Throughout all these mishaps, Lily and I kept laughing and
making the best of every situation. And that's when I realized something about
her – I had met her only once, for a very brief period of time. And since then
all our communication had been over the phone. What if she never really existed
and was a ghost who could only take physical form once a year? What if she was
Cinderella who wasn’t allowed to go out of her house too often, and it was upto
me to rescue her? What if I was just to be kept on the sidelines, in case
something more interesting didn’t come up that day.
As these bizarre theories swirled through my mind, I decided
to confront Lily about it. But doing so in a serious manner wouldn't be my
style. Instead, I opted for my own unique approach – an impromptu game of
Twenty Questions. If she answered yes to questions like, “Are you a figment of my imagination?” or “Are you actually an undercover superhero?” then I would know I was
onto something.
So, I called her up and launched into my absurd line of
questioning. “Are you secretly a
time-traveling wizard?” I asked. “Nope,”
she chuckled. “Do you have a twin sister
who takes over your life every other day?” I inquired. “Haha, definitely not!”
With each question, Lily laughed and played along, but she
never gave away the secret. Instead, she skillfully turned the tables and
started asking me equally ridiculous questions. “Are you Batman in disguise?” she teased. “You caught me!” I replied with mock seriousness.
It’s been seven months since that fateful date at the café. I think I now acknowledge that I’m not going to meet Lily again. But till date I try to make plans, knowing that she will cancel at the last moment. At this point, it’s not even about the plan anymore. I’m just curious about the excuse she would come up with. In the latest iteration, she said she has to “make it up” to a guy whom she hasn’t met in a long time. That happened about an hour ago. I must leave now. Someone’s at the door.
