Second Options - Part 4

Continued from Second Options - Part 3

Disclaimer:

All characters and names mentioned in Second Options are completely fictitious and imaginary, and any resemblance to many people senior, junior, sick or just purely out of work is unintentional and deeply regretted. Any ass… assilimators of funda commenting on Second Options are simply considered as big bas... baskets of knowledge and all such discussion should be restrained to the comments section.

            By the time I reached the Hall the results were already being announced. It happened that the seniors locked themselves in the common room and counted the polls. Now I’m not saying that the election results weren’t fair but I just couldn’t overlook the fact that the polls were not counted… “transparently.” But alas, nothing in the Hall ever is (except for the empty beer bottles in the bathrooms in the morning). Just when I stepped in the result of the entertainment post was announced and the winner was Satyaraghava. I couldn’t hear him but apparently the first word which left the mouth of the newly-made Ent Seccy on hearing his triumph was a tiny little four lettered word whose deduction I leave to your intelligent guesses. I saw how people were slowly bounded to a new world of responsibilities which they would pedantically deliver no doubt. However, the milestone point in my life came when the 5 Maintenance Seccys were announced. Though I had not contested for the post, that single event in the history of this planet changed the whole shebang for me. I didn’t realize it then, but for the next few weeks the Earth below me was going to be shaken, unravelled, and after putting me six feet deep, would be filled again. The 5 Seccys were

·         Juice

·         Aanchal Bal (it’s a boy)

·         Praveen

·         Manav Mohi

and last but definitely not the least (you’ll see why)

·         Gambheer

            God knows what the seniors saw in this guy, but he was made the fifth and final Seccy (Sorry! The seniors didn’t “choose” him. He was elected not prelected). But I realized what the implications were when the inter-Hall events began to start. Now IIT Kgp has been gifted with a plethora of events ranging from tying diyas to bamboo sticks to making a commercially sustainable product for a market of differently abled population. It was Gambheer’s duty to bring human resource to the event, whether to participate or to see didn’t matter to him. He just focussed on his job, i.e. DTJJ (Darwaza Tod Junta Jugad). As they say, charity begins at home; he began by throwing me out of the room. So I’d have to go to every event whether it be seeing an elocution in a language I’m challenged with or be it tying steel wires around dildos. I had to be there. And if I was seen sneaking out of the Hall when such a mellifluous event was taking place, he’d make sure that I had the G. Sec waiting whenever I came back. Now even the prospect of living outside the Hall was not an option as I did my planning in my room, he’d know exactly where I was headed to and it was already pretty troublesome planning the trip outside the room where 4 other Seccys and G. Secs’ could be roaming around. I believed that the worst of my days had come till one day Mr. Hallenstein came up to me looking very happy. I hated it when he was happy. Him happy meant another Hall event where I’d either have to go and play watchguard, or have to go someplace in hiding again. But there was no running away from what was in store for me today. Before I could plan on killing his smile forever by putting a hacksaw in his mouth, the mouth spoke.

            ‘Illu.’

Second Options - Part 3

            The next two weeks were spent in hiding. Even though the “dark days” were finally over, the terror was not. Every time Jaishith would see me in the Hall he would ask me in the same deep voice,

            ‘Met any panellist yet?’

            I’d tell him that I had met a few, most were left. Truth was that I hadn’t met any. After finally the declaration of independence and a complete night of torture, I could not think of seeing another small-brained large-egoed senior again. Much less going to him myself with tobacco to help him burn his lungs. If I really wanted to help a senior in this matter I’d be happier in burning him alive in his room rather than just cementing his throat with soot.

            On some days Jaishith would come to me and tell me, ‘The SOP is on for tonight. Don’t think of disappearing from the Hall.’

            And that would be my cue to disappear. I would wear a hooded jacket and my emergency bag which I’d already kept ready for the situation. I would then sneak out of the Hall when no one was looking and call my friend in another Hall that I need refuge for a night. After confirming my visit I would turn off my cell phone and now I was “off the grid.” Untraceable. I would spend a blissful night in this friend’s room and leave for my classes in the morning (yes we too indeed do have classes to study here at IIT). Then I’d come back in the afternoon as if I were coming back from my class thus my deception would be complete. Afterwards I would ask my “fellowmen” what had happened the last night. Either the SOP had happened and the seniors, being dissatisfied with the responses made by the candidates available, issued a “Re” for the post. Or it could happen that the SOP did not happen at all because the seniors were too busy creating a balance of pollution in Kgp’s usually clean atmosphere and killing the bacteria in their livers by liquor. In both conditions candidates had to go and get advised (read screwed) by more panellists and I would have to live in constant fear. It also meant that I’d have to go off the grid every time there was a doubt of an SOP happening. This happened for a full two weeks. By the end of the first week Jaishith had realized that I hadn’t met any panellist and thanks to Gambheer (@$$+*|#) Jaishith realized that I was hiding out of the Hall during the SOP times. After that he tried hard to catch me. I don’t know why he was so bent upon making me a Seccy. He said he saw the talent in me but being a Seccy did not require much talent apart from the tolerance of getting yelled at during the SOP. The SOP did terrify me and I did everything in my power to avoid it. Finally the date of the election was announced to be five days later. I realized that once the elections were done there would be no more SOPs and the bad time would finally be over. I prepared a bigger bag and that day I went out of the Hall and spent 5 full days till the election with my friend. Though I admit it was quite odd sleeping with him on the same cot for 5 days, but I thought it was better than being gang-raped by every senior who’d question me on my “robust desire” of being a Seccy. I waited patiently for the e-mail which Juice finally sent to me on the night of the election.

            ‘Elections done. Counting in progress. Come soon for the results.’

            Finally it was now time to leave this Hall. Though it was starting to get quite cosy here, my time had come. I’d specifically asked Juice to mail me this because I wanted to know the person who was slammed instead of me. I didn’t ask Gambheer to do it because he’d mind as well send me that mail as a ploy to bring me in the Hall and make me sit for an impromptu SOP. I trusted Juice better. So I merrily cycled back to my Hall to witness the announcement which would soon tell us which person was chosen to be screwed in what office. Soon, I’d be free again.

Second Options - Part 2

...continued from Second Options - Part 1    

            Jaishith Jaswant. This one name is enough to send jibbers down the spine of any second year in my Hall. More popularly known as JJ because his name is too fearsome to be taken (like J. K Rowling’s Voldemort), this man speaks in a deep heavy voice which makes you want to listen to him even when he is burying you under the weight of his carefully handpicked vernaculars in the common room. The first thing you notice about this creature was his curly long hair which was actually a cross between the fur of a grizzly bear and leaves of a banana tree. I wondered if this was a desperate reaction to the overwhelming urge of seeing feminity in IIT, even if only in the mirror. I was sitting there in his room waiting for him to turn towards me and enlighten me with the “Seccy funda” which I would be questioned on in my SOP (Statement of Purpose. A pre-election event where the candidates are “formally” screwed). Though rooms in Kgp are mere 7’ by 11’ boxes, still it’s amazing how much one can hope to see in a Kgpian’s room. This guy lived alone in the box and in the name of furniture had an iron cot, a cemented rack to use as an almirah (without the door though) and three tables. I wondered if this is a perk of being a G. Sec. I lived with a roommate and we had only one table to share among ourselves. This guy lived alone and had three. On the first table, random papers were scattered everywhere. Soon I realized that it was a pool of certificates, assignments, to-do lists, calendars, charts, etc. The second table was the cleanest and was dedicated to the laptop alongwith an external hard-drive, a pen-drive, a CD bag, speakers, a charger, an external mouse, an external keyboard, earphones, headphones, a multi-plug, a webcam and another plethora of modern gadgets he believed life was impossible without. The cleanliness of the second table was sharply contrasted by the third table which was dedicated completely to cigarette packets. There were cigarette packets of all brands, empty cigarette packets, full cigarette packets, half-empty cigarette packets and even cigarette packets filled with ash. While it was very repulsive seeing those packets it was also quite tempting. I doubted if Jaishith would offer me one. I continued analysing the 7’ by 11’ box when the same husky voice which had haunted me for months finally spoke to me,

            ‘So, shall we begin?’

            I would have liked to tell him that he didn’t give me much of an option and if he really were asking me my answer would be a straight no. But I decided to take the simpler way out.

            ‘Yes.’ I replied.

            ‘I’m going to give you a list of panellists. Buy a brand new diary, go to all of them and write whatever they tell you. When you go to them always carry a small gift like a chocolate or a cigarette. Don’t insult me and yourself by going to them with a notebook like this,’ he pointed to my half-torn copy. ‘Try to be in a proper dress when you go to them. Don’t be worried about me. Come to me however you want to. OP has ended, now you don’t need to fear from me. But remember that since I’m peaceful with you doesn’t mean every senior will be. Be careful when you go to them. And yes, remember to write a small Statement of Purpose about why you are contesting for this post, what would you do if elected and why you want to become a Seccy…’

            ‘And if I don’t want to become a Seccy?’

            He smiled. ‘Of course you do. That’s what you are contesting for!’

            For the next one hour Jaishith Jaswant, a.k.a JJ gave me a long range of funda about the literary events and the Hall in general. He told me about the who’s who in literary events in the Hall, about the people who have now graduated but had done something in this field for the Hall, the ones who did not do anything in this field but were a who’s who in the Hall, and the people who were to be approached, but did not matter in any way for the Hall. He also gave elaborate ideas about the various events, rules, loopholes in the rules, the judges, the loophole judges. I pondered if every panellist was going to give so many fundae. There were a total of 75 panellists. That would mean 75 hours or 3 days and 3 hours straight. I did the maths even while JJ told me about the rules regarding the disciplinary committee hearings. He then showed me his own Statement of Purpose from last year. It said,

            ‘I want to contest for the post of Literary Secretary of this Hall because I am interested in literary activities. I assure that if given an opportunity to become a secretary I shall take this Hall to levels of excellence it deserves. I want to become a Secretary so that I can contribute towards the Hall.’

            The SOP was pathetic and it clearly showed on my face. He smiled. I think he felt the sadistic pleasure of the thought that finally someone else was going to go through the same trauma he had been through last year. He said, ‘Make your SOP simple, not good. The longer it is, the more they’ll have an opportunity to screw you.’

Second Options - Part 1

            Dedicated to The Juice. Though you were not my roomie, you were always there to be worse than one.

            It felt better. Within the last 24 hours I’d shouted on facchas on the streets to cycle slowly, seen facchas searching for more than just clues, taken a ton of junk from the Gymkhana to my Hall; been made to stand in a dimly lit room (not unlike the one the witches used to boil lizards in Macbeth) for hours together where seniors shouted incomprehensible stuff at us; walked to chheddis at 4 A.M after 4 months; seen my room with a broken bed; slept on the corridor and FINALLY, it was over. I was so cheerful that I hugged Gambheer and all he had to say to me was,

“Munda sada doli chad gaya band baj gaya, oye hoye hoye

chad ke saariyan ek baariyan dil nu leiyan ki beemariyan

munda munde naal ponda yaariyan

sehra baanda noore aanda khwaab te maa da ujad gaya

Maa da laadla bigad gaya, maa da laadla bigad gaya

maa da laadla bigad gaya, maa da laadla bigad gaya.”

            For the umpteenth time I looked at Gambheer in disgust with my sandy eyes who slept on blissfully. Though it had become a daily activity, but even after one and a half months of roomeiship (yes! I coined the word) I was finding it difficult to wake up every morning by Gambheer’s prurient alarm. How could he expect to wake up every morning hearing that song! I actually didn’t mind his personal choices much (in the matter of alarm tone that is) till I had to wake up every morning due to HIS alarm and wake him up to shut that stupid thing off!

            Anyways, after that chore I rubbed off my eyes, got off my bed and went off to relieve myself from the pressures of the past. Having done that, it was time for a new day and a new day it was indeed. Last night being the end of the dark days, I was finally relieved to lead an independent life. There was so much to look forward to. Perhaps I could start going to the Gym now; but the thought of waking up early every day and sweating for 2 hours before going to the class shook me off the thought. I barely made it to the class in time after waking up. Nah! There was no chance of me making it to the Gym. I should try something less laborious such as participating in any of the many events here at IIT. But if I go into it, the expectations of the team would have made me practice it so hard that ultimately I’d hate doing it. This isn’t for me. In the end I decided to concentrate all my focus on the most important thing in life. The thing I came to IIT for. I opened my facebook account and began to check out the pictures of the girls in the junior batch. My brawny chain of activity was interrupted by Gambheer when he asked me,

‘Which post are you contesting for?’

‘Post! What post?’

‘Seccy Post. The Secretary elections are going to be on soon. You’ve got to contest for a post.’

‘Dude I want some peace in life. I already have a screwed CG; I cannot handle the additional responsibility of a Seccy post! I need to study sometime.’

‘So what? Don’t you think the others have to study too? Are they muttonheads to be contesting in the elections?’

            Till date I’m unable to understand how come “not being the only one screwed” can be a reason to be screwed some more in Kgp. Every time I’ve told someone about my problems for an excuse, the standard reply was, “you’re not the only one.” As if they’re saying “so what? At least you’re not getting nailed alone. You’re getting nailed in public WITH the public. You should be glad!” Plus my G. Sec goes a step further.

‘Sir, I can’t come to cheer for the team. I’m very ill. (cough cough for extra impact)’

‘(cough right in my face) I’m also ill.’

‘Sir, I need to go home. My cousin’s getting married.’

‘I haven’t attended any marriage in my family for years either. Damn! I also missed the wedding of my parents. L’

‘Sir I can’t handle this with my academics.’

‘Do you think you get less time to study than me?’

‘So you screwing up your grades doesn’t mean I screw them up too,’ I think. But without the courage of saying this into the face of Dracula, I say, ‘Sir, I’m not feeling good about everything here. Please spare me.’

‘Do you think I didn’t face it in my time?’

            I told Gambheer flat that I wasn’t going to contest for any post. Gambheer laughed at me. He was contesting for Menta a.k.a. maintenance. He told me that menta and mess were the most peaceful Secretary posts available and if I don’t act fast I’d be made to contest for the loaded posts like entertainment, technology or even the devilish DRAMATICS! I said I’d kaatafy and be known as a kaata seccy. He debated with me in favour of contesting. He said there are many perks.

·         You get to know the seniors.

·         The seniors get to know you.

·         You get involved in the Hall.

·         You increase your knowledge about the Hall.

·         You get to contribute towards the Hall.

·         You get a formal opportunity of screwing other Halls.

·         You take a position of responsibility.

·         You take a position of authority.

·         You can write it in your CV.

·         You can write it in your Résumé.

·         It enhances your leadership skills.

·         It enhances your management skills.

·         Because Obama says, “Yes we can!”

            I had only one reply for him, which I believe is restricted for public readership so I shall not mention it here. But later that day, “truth” hit me in the face. I literally collided with the G. Sec in the mess and with curd dripping down his pants; he smiled at me and said,

‘Vishal Gupta (smirk). You are contesting for Lit Seccy (Literary Secretary). Come to my room at 4 sharp.’

Let Us Today

Inspired from the great man, Sri Rabindranath Tagore...

Let Us Today

Let us today, break the shackles of routine

and be guided by the light of the unknown

do something our heart craves for

without caring about the thoughts of the world

let us today, live a day for ourselves.

Let us, wake up today, and hug those whom we love

tell them what they mean to us

and how their presence make our lives so liveable

how their smile becomes a reason for us to stay blissful

not because of what they are, but because what we are when with them.

How their existence becomes a reason for us to grow

into something better than we perceive ourselves to be

how their faith and trust in our capabilities

makes us transcend our own boundaries

and how the fear of their loss, makes us weep sometimes in despair.

We never told them how we feel for them,

perhaps we did not get the time

perhaps we considered it lunatic

but let us, today tell them their meaning in our lives.

Who knows? They might need those words themselves now.

Let us today, shout out in joy

and feel blissful for the pleasures life has endowed

Not thinking of being judged by the crowd

but simply ecstatic for what we’ve received

Let us today, say thanks to God

And praise him for his beautiful creation

which, maybe ignored till now

or perhaps we never got the time to stop by and look

but let us today, look at His miracle

and look at ourselves

and praise Him for the blessings and beauty he has provided.

Let us today, not feel the fear of deserting the herd

and walk our own paths, even if alone

for the life we have, is too precious to be lived

according to someone else’s dreams

who themselves lived the life of a different else

Let us walk our own paths, and feel confident,

that we’d not be walking alone the path of righteousness

That somewhere down the lane, we’d find someone

willing to walk by our sides

But till then, let us walk our own paths

Walk for what we believe in

let us today, not be affected by the narrow judgement of the wide crowd

and walk our own paths, for what we believe in.

Let us today, learn to have faith

in the words of people we respect

that everything heard and said, need not have an explanation

that there are some things, which words cannot justify

that sometimes, it’s only the words of another we should rely upon

Let us not fall into a trap of irrational belief

of superstitions and irrational visions

But let us today, have faith when one says

that everything’s gonna be alright

that the world will be a better place to live in

that you can be the change you wish to see

that the intellectual of one person may someday surpass the might of a million

that the voice which seldom speaks from your heart is the inner calling you must follow

that when you judge yourself too harshly, you rip a part from your own self

that few people actually care about the way you are, and would like to help.

Sometimes, you cannot find proof in everything you hear

but you’ve got to have faith, in people you hold dear.

Let us today, tear off the cobwebs around us

and wake up to a new reality

breaking the chains of routine

walking into a new future

Building a new world.

It seems difficult at first,

to break the boundaries of habit you’ve so skilfully kneaded around yourself

wrapped in the warmth of tradition

I seems difficult to go beyond

but a call for change has been made

and it’s your duty to hear the call

for one life is all what you get

either to be the change, and do what you wish for

or become the cobweb of your own boundations.

-         Vishal Gupta

November 21^st, 2010