Ego

Bearing the burdens of the world

Tired of making sure the world goes round

Sitting on the chair, with the weight of the universe

Life, tires me out

As I start to look for respite

From myself, and from my life

 

The life that requires me to believe in myself

Like a spider, I remain the king of my own world

Apex predator, king of the castle, master of the my own manor

omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient, omnificent

And with vigilant agony, only I understand

heavy is the head that bears the crown

 

I see the path that I need to cross

I know I shall, I ask, “then what?”

Then another opens, and then another

and each challenge I shall overcome

In a little game of my own making

I am the master, and I am the pawn

 

But bear the burden must I,

for every trigger that is pulled and every wound that is scorched

And it is not only the terrors that burden my soul

I also bear the burden of every gleaming heart and every river that flows

For I must do all that is in the world, both righteous and wrong

And must smile at the wins and cry at the losses

 

I wish I could, I wish I could live dispassionately

Just ensuring the smoothness of the clouds, without feeling responsible for it

Like Arjuna did, as he won the battle

but placed every shred of credit to his charioteer

But alas! I have no charioteer to guide my life

So I bear the weight of that as well, as I pull my life along

 

No God shall come to my aid, as I hold the reigns of my life

Dragging it along, I move my life and with it of so many else

I see my burden, my responsibility, my Ego

that I carry without sharing

Without believing in Krishna, the burden stays mine

And this I must bear like Atlas, who cannot shrug

 

Vishal Gupta

16^th June, 2022

Dying of the Light

Hi. I'm going to rant for a bit

You know why we fear loneliness

Because no matter how good or bad times turn in our life

We will go through low phases

And when that happens

We need someone by our side

We might ignore them in good days

Or take them for granted

But when that dark trough of life comes

We're simply unable to go through it alone

We need a system of support to guide us through

To listen to us and tell us of things that we're unable to see at the moment

And basically to be there

Because that's the time you don't want to be alone

The person might as well be your oppressor

and why you are in the low phase to begin with

But we don't care

We will endure all ridicule and depression

But we wouldn't want to be alone in the dark phase

That's how people become dependent on their oppressors

 

And this person, our listener companion guide support

might as well be a stranger

it's easier to rant to a stranger

Because those who know you, know you

And it's difficult to be honest with someone you know

You’ve got to keep up appearances

you know you will face them tomorrow again

And you do not want them to know you’re weak

Specially if you already feel lonely in the world

That means you don't have someone to be honest with to begin with

So you seek out strangers

People who have no premonitions about you

No pre-concieved notions

They are the better listeners

Because they don't care

 

Vishal Gupta

16^th June, 2022

Stopping by the Woods on a Dark Evening

Continue from Stopping by the Hills on a Cold Evening

Whose lands these are who cares actually

He lives in the capital probably

He will not allow me stopping here

And trespassers will be shot surely

 

My cab driver must think me queer

To stop without a motel near

Between the roads away from home

The dark and mist instills the fear

 

He turns his head and raises brows

To ask if there’s some sorrow

The only other sounds’ that sweep

Of hounds barking and family rows

 

The roads are treacherous, dark, and deep

And my promises are all fulfilled

Now take me home and let me sleep

Now take me home and let me sleep

 

Vishal Gupta

10^th June, 2020

Pictures

Traveling through the vast expanses of life and experiences

she often asks me why I don’t take any pictures along the way

To remember the journeys I’ve been on and the days that I’ve seen

and to show to people of the adventures I recount stories of ever so often

 

I say how can I capture with a picture the smooth sail of a bird across the sky

with wings spread far apart and the tail making adjustments for direction

as it flaps momentarily to gain higher ground, returns to its remarkable glide

circling the blue heavens making friends with clouds and lights

 

How can I capture with a camera, the music of the sky when the sun sets

When waves crash on the shore and the birds chirp in salute to the setting sun

And the sky is filled with a spectrum of colors ever-changing ever-spectacular

And the music my heart makes, when I look at the Sun disappearing behind the horizon

 

How can pictures do justice with the sweet smell of freedom

as one runs across a meadow of recently blooms flowers

And of the smell of the first drops of rain touching the scorched earth

Of the scents a butterfly pursues hunting sweet nectar off flowers anew

 

How can pictures capture the span of wings, the expanse of clouds

the beating of a heart, the quenching of thirst

My words allow my stories, and my poems tell the tale of my experiences

Perhaps someone could capture it with a camera, perhaps better than my words

But I could not present my stories in any better way

And words will tell my tales of life and experiences

for me, for you, and for all those to come

 

Vishal Gupta

20^th March, 2022

Apathy

Such is the enormity of my emotions

that I’m unable to feel anything at all

Like how the mountains stand still

hugged by clouds and moss

Silent, gargantuan, patient

looking on upon the world

 

Like the sullen shoulder of the soldier

left standing alone on the battlefield

with nothing but scars and memories

bloodied hands and bloodied soul

carcasses abound, both friends and enemies

Wondering, what was the point of it all

 

Like the scream of terror of the Earth

when thunderstorms strike

crackling air with light and sound

hitting the Earth with all its might

The Earth just endures, and stays for the next blow

it knows, the storms will pass away

 

Like the call of unrequited love

the wonder which begs “what if”

The unspoken words, which scream the loudest

The prison of hope, that poisons the soul

The constant anxiety, of an unreturned message

The creeping hopelessness, that spares none

 

Like the memory of a beautiful experience

unreplicated, it grows bigger than the truth itself

Staying a memory, it stays unscathed

Lived, it risks being tarnished

the eventual hope of reciting the memory

silently stays bigger than the memory itself

 

Like the music that stays within the mind

cannot be expressed, sung, or found

it cradles the mind in tired moments

yet is somehow elusive in times on need

nameless, it lingers on

unexpressed, till its soothe turns to horror

 

Like the feeling of watching a loved one go away

hoping till the last breath for another moment

unspoken, but understood

knowing, that the meet was only to separate again

hoping, that the day comes

when each separation will only be to meet again

 

Such is the enormity of my emotions

that I’m unable to feel anything at all

just taking the step after the next

knowing what this life needs of me

And so I keep moving, looking for the “exit”

To find home, once more

 

Vishal Gupta

27^th March, 2022