I met her when I was 18. I’d seen her from a distance in school. I never knew if I’d get to her. I didn’t know what awaited me. Then my only job was to make myself worthy of her. When the time came, she invited me to come upto her and understand her. One of the first lessons she taught me was to let go of the past, for I’d earned my right to the present. Slowly, I started spending more time with her. I’d be reluctant to go home because I found her company better. I didn’t know if this was falling in love. I didn’t care to know. I just knew that I was in for magnificent 4 years of my life and I had no time to regret any of it.
One night she invited me for a walk with her. It was my first 2.2. A track I’d come to know so well. That night I started to pour my thoughts to her. My secrets, my likes, my passions, and she listened. I didn’t realize when she became my home away from home. Home more than home. When we had to part that year, I cried. I knew my hands were fuller than when I arrived. That first year had given me more love than I had deserved. Such was her affection. Reluctantly, I turned my back and left, only to think about her all summer and return.
As the 2nd year started, I knew I was in love. I knew my existence was going to be defined by her. I spent a lot more time with her. I discovered her soul and looking back, it was the time I spent with her which taught me about her. She taught me more. She taught me what it takes to achieve greatness in life. And she taught me where men fail on the road to success. She taught me that struggle was not bad and life always rewards a job done well. She showed me avenues where I could succeed. I chose the one my heart aspired for. As time went on, she rewarded me for being true to my calling. She allowed herself to depend on me. And I vowed to never let anything disrupt her trust.
The 3rd year started and I dedicated myself to her service. She provided me with the best comrades and friends in my struggle. She showed me unexpected avenues of trouble. She was careful to give me guidance where my abilities failed. She was never easy to please. But I knew that her appreciation was a mark of a job so well done, that it would have no comparison with anything in the world. And I worked just to please her. It was not a flowery road. Sometimes I scolded her. Sometimes I fought with her. Sometimes I lied to her. But whenever either of us felt dejected, one of us would hold the other in their arms and say, it’s okay. It didn’t have to be this serious.
That was the year when I started having nightmares. She made no respite in making life hell for me. It was my learning. Yet, when the year ended, I wanted to do it all over again. I wanted to live that life once again. Once again I wanted those nightmares and once again I wanted that struggle. But she’d made me strong enough to understand, that love was not only about allowing your breaths to be commanded by someone else. Love was also about gracefully letting go. And I understood that my time had come. And now I’d have to let go. It pained, but that was the time I was told that I smiled after an year.
Came the final year. The year she’d been preparing me for since the beginning. The final struggle and she took me further than ever before. She prepared me, lashed me, prepared me more, rejected me, rejected me again, scarred me, taught me, she took me to the top of the highest mountain and threw me. Again and again and again. Days of pure agony went by. And every night when I’d come back dejected, she’d be the one who’d heal my wounds. Like the doctor treating a wounded soldier, only to prepare him for the battle next day. Only to make sure that when victory came, it would be well deserved. Only to prepare for the next big battle. Only to say that I must bleed in battles, to win the war.
And I did win! And I owe it all to her. Looking back, those were the days of pure agony I went through. But those were the days which made my present possible. It is still a constant struggle to live up to her standards. But that’s the only thing she demands of me. To be true to her teachings.
Finally, the time to say goodbyes came upon us. It was difficult to say goodbye to all of her teachings. In so many ways she’d lifted me up. A lot of her teachings were gone, leaving me behind. She’s trusted me to be a part of her flow. I know I did well. I knew it would be one of the most difficult things I’d ever do to say goodbye to the 4 years which shaped my life. I knew I’d keep coming back for a while. Till there would be nothing to come back to. Yet she’d go on and I’d go on. And I’d carry her in me all my life. And she’d be unable to let go of me because I gave her my love and life.
I remember the last day of silent admiration. When I looked into her eyes and saw the last 4 years going by. Neither of us said a word. But in that moment we knew that the time had come. She took me in her arms, silently thanking me and receiving mine at the same time. And then I turned away and left.
I’ve seen her in all her glory. In her highs and lows. In terror. In joy. Serious. Calm. Thrilled. I’ve seen everything she has to offer. I know her.
