I Share. Therefore, I Am.

Before you start reading this poem, send out that last text

for immediate replies, mean more than meaningful ones

Send out a compliment, or wishes or mere meaningless words

but read this only, when ten minutes I can behest

 

Not that I don’t like those snippets of words

small texts, comforts, distant hugs

It began with online chatrooms and virtual communities

and calling out to the world, realizing aspects of my personality

And then I unplugged

 

Excited, I learnt about myself in the virtual world

to lead a better life in the real one

But today, something seems to have gone wrong

when an echo of a buzz wakes me at dawn

A little device in my pocket seemed to have made all the difference

 

Today I text during meetings and shop whilst in class

my prized skill is to text while maintaining eye-contact

My parents ignore me for their phone over breakfast

and my attention to my sister doesn’t long last

Heck! I even text at funerals

 

I have removed myself from grief and reverie

I have eradicated any self-reflection capacity

I successfully am alone, while being together

I am with you, but also everywhere

I customize my life, and go in and out of where I am

I cherish the control, on what enjoys my attention span

I only observe, the bits that interest me

 

Yes, I have lost all friends in an array of screens

yes, it is I who has been lost in the sheen

Perhaps, I should be interrupted

but honestly, I’d rather go through the ordeal

I like people in the Goldilocks zone!

 

Someday… someday which isn’t the present

I would like to learn how to have a conversation

But conversations happens in real time,

where I can’t control what I might relay

I like to clean my messy relationships with technology

 

I am connected, I just do not converse

and I don’t mind, I miss nothing

after all, don’t these sips of communication

add up to one big gulp of real conversation?

No. They don’t.

 

They are good for relaying information

letting someone know I think of them

but I do not learn, know and understand someone

I do not learn, know and understand myself

But I’d rather just text than talk

 

I wish I could just dispense with people altogether

why can’t Siri be my best friend, she always listens

I like Facebook too, I see people listening to me

I see empathy there, and it’s not very different from the real thing

Technology, gives more to me than people do

 

I’m lonely, but I’m afraid of intimacy

I wish the comforts of companionship without the demands of friendship

I turn to technology because it offers the comforts of companionship within my control

But am I comfortable? Am I in control?

No

 

My phone allows me to put my attention wherever I want

it tells me I will always be heard

it says, ‘you will never have to be alone’

and so whenever I’m alone, I panic and my anxiety reaches for a device

Being alone, feels like a problem that needs to be solved

 

I connect, I share. Therefore I am

If I want to have a feeling, I send a text

I feel alive when I connect

I lose my capacity for solitude

And in losing solitude, I isolate myself

 

I connect, to use people as spare parts to support my fragile self

being connected, makes me feel less alone

but again, I feel more lonely each day

and I know if my children grow up the day I live, they will only be lonely

I’m smitten, by technology. Too much talking might spoil the relationship

 

Solitude scares me, my children don’t understand it

my phone offers a much better restitute

I communicate, I speak, I feel alone

I avoid the boring bits, and long being understood

I let technology win the bid over human connection

 

Technology says it will take something complicated, and promises something simpler

Life is hard, relationships are filled with risk

Technology is simpler, hopeful, optimistic, ever-young

With technology I can love my friends, I love my body, I love my life

I look for romance online, I love in worlds online

Robots, are my true companions

My evenings, are better spent on social network than with friends

 

I live here, I love here, I end here

This is a life I have chosen, I have no regrets

And now, if you please, may go back to yours in a world

for a screen awaits, and has not been checked in  while

 

Vishal Gupta

23^rd September, 2014

An Affair of 4 Years

I met her when I was 18. I’d seen her from a distance in school. I never knew if I’d get to her. I didn’t know what awaited me. Then my only job was to make myself worthy of her. When the time came, she invited me to come upto her and understand her. One of the first lessons she taught me was to let go of the past, for I’d earned my right to the present. Slowly, I started spending more time with her. I’d be reluctant to go home because I found her company better. I didn’t know if this was falling in love. I didn’t care to know. I just knew that I was in for magnificent 4 years of my life and I had no time to regret any of it.

 

One night she invited me for a walk with her. It was my first 2.2. A track I’d come to know so well. That night I started to pour my thoughts to her. My secrets, my likes, my passions, and she listened. I didn’t realize when she became my home away from home. Home more than home. When we had to part that year, I cried. I knew my hands were fuller than when I arrived. That first year had given me more love than I had deserved. Such was her affection. Reluctantly, I turned my back and left, only to think about her all summer and return.

 

As the 2^nd year started, I knew I was in love. I knew my existence was going to be defined by her. I spent a lot more time with her. I discovered her soul and looking back, it was the time I spent with her which taught me about her. She taught me more. She taught me what it takes to achieve greatness in life. And she taught me where men fail on the road to success. She taught me that struggle was not bad and life always rewards a job done well. She showed me avenues where I could succeed. I chose the one my heart aspired for. As time went on, she rewarded me for being true to my calling. She allowed herself to depend on me. And I vowed to never let anything disrupt her trust.

 

The 3^rd year started and I dedicated myself to her service. She provided me with the best comrades and friends in my struggle. She showed me unexpected avenues of trouble. She was careful to give me guidance where my abilities failed. She was never easy to please. But I knew that her appreciation was a mark of a job so well done, that it would have no comparison with anything in the world. And I worked just to please her. It was not a flowery road. Sometimes I scolded her. Sometimes I fought with her. Sometimes I lied to her. But whenever either of us felt dejected, one of us would hold the other in their arms and say, it’s okay. It didn’t have to be this serious.

 

That was the year when I started having nightmares. She made no respite in making life hell for me. It was my learning. Yet, when the year ended, I wanted to do it all over again. I wanted to live that life once again. Once again I wanted those nightmares and once again I wanted that struggle. But she’d made me strong enough to understand, that love was not only about allowing your breaths to be commanded by someone else. Love was also about gracefully letting go. And I understood that my time had come. And now I’d have to let go. It pained, but that was the time I was told that I smiled after an year.

 

Came the final year. The year she’d been preparing me for since the beginning. The final struggle and she took me further than ever before. She prepared me, lashed me, prepared me more, rejected me, rejected me again, scarred me, taught me, she took me to the top of the highest mountain and threw me. Again and again and again. Days of pure agony went by. And every night when I’d come back dejected, she’d be the one who’d heal my wounds. Like the doctor treating a wounded soldier, only to prepare him for the battle next day. Only to make sure that when victory came, it would be well deserved. Only to prepare for the next big battle. Only to say that I must bleed in battles, to win the war.

 

And I did win! And I owe it all to her. Looking back, those were the days of pure agony I went through. But those were the days which made my present possible. It is still a constant struggle to live up to her standards. But that’s the only thing she demands of me. To be true to her teachings.

 

Finally, the time to say goodbyes came upon us. It was difficult to say goodbye to all of her teachings. In so many ways she’d lifted me up. A lot of her teachings were gone, leaving me behind. She’s trusted me to be a part of her flow. I know I did well. I knew it would be one of the most difficult things I’d ever do to say goodbye to the 4 years which shaped my life. I knew I’d keep coming back for a while. Till there would be nothing to come back to. Yet she’d go on and I’d go on. And I’d carry her in me all my life. And she’d be unable to let go of me because I gave her my love and life.

 

I remember the last day of silent admiration. When I looked into her eyes and saw the last 4 years going by. Neither of us said a word. But in that moment we knew that the time had come. She took me in her arms, silently thanking me and receiving mine at the same time. And then I turned away and left.

 

I’ve seen her in all her glory. In her highs and lows. In terror. In joy. Serious. Calm. Thrilled. I’ve seen everything she has to offer. I know her.

 

बूँदें

बूँदें

फिर बारिश हुई, और दिल की कश्ती ने यादों की लहरो को थाम लिया

थोड़ा हमने ज़िंदगी को बहने दिया, थोड़ा ज़िंदगी ने आँखों को भिगा दिया

थोड़ी यादें उस चेहरे की आईं, जिसे देख खुदको भूल जाया करते थे हम

थोड़ी यादें उस लम्हे की, आख़िरी बार बाहें छोड़ वो दूर चल दिया था जब

कुछ यादें उस दोस्त की भी हैं, जिसका हाथ पकड़ साथ चलने का सपना देखा था

कुछ दर्द उस वक़्त का भी, जब महसूस हुआ वो साथ नही है अब

वो दिन भी याद हैं, जब माँ की गोद में सर रख सोया करते थे

अब नींदें सिर्फ़ दुनिया से आँख मूंद लेने का ज़रिया हो गयी हैं

वो दिन याद हैं, जब रखी का दिन होठों को मीठा कर जाता था

अब उन राखियों बिन कलाइयाँ सूनी लगने लगी हैं

ज़िंदगी की गहराइयों में गोते इतने गहरे लिए, के अब याद नही वापस किस ओर जाना है

दिल ढूंढता है रोशनी, पर ज़हन को अभी और दूर जाना है

कभी साँस लेने आए, तो दिल की कश्ती ने यादों की लहरो को थाम लिया

थोड़ा हमने ज़िंदगी को बहने दिया, थोड़ा ज़िंदगी ने आँखों को भिगा दिया

विशाल गुप्ता

जनवरी 31, 2014

Devil Speaks

I have seen the souls of men

the spite and hate and lust and greed

I have seen through the eyes of men

for sin is natural not nature’s breach

Men destroy what they love

for they slash feathered birds to keep them close

Man cares not for prolonged pain

if given he is a moment’s pleasure

I tempted men to sin, for gladly they did

lost in lust and meld in malt

they care not for an unwilling soul’s cry

they care not for scars of life

they care not to snatch one off dignity

they care not if it leads to their own misery

For pleasure of the flesh is pleasure prodigious

so easy to lead astray, is in that condition

Stories befell, and shall befall

for man shall sin, till the devil falls

Man created rules and society, to facilitate existence

and lost sight of his need, to save his creation

For rules are all, I’ve let remain

rules which bind him, and make him afraid

Fearful, of the voice in his heart, for the voices of his society

the voices which go silent, the moment his life enters jeopardy

Man created God, to keep him from me

I told man, His will be seen

He, deserves acceptance, in all walks of life

and who does not follow, is enemy of thine

And Man warred, he warred for God

some warred for riches, some for fame

some warred for power, others for the game

For all now, was in the name of the Holy one

who was to keep man from sin in the first place

Man imposed his will, in life and beyond death

for his will lived in his rules, beyond question vulgar faith

For social rituals, became bigger than the reason of their being

for man forgot His Holiness, would shallow gestures never need

But not God but I, I lie within the chasms of the soul of man

I have seen within, and found my image in every corner of his heart

Man, a creature of need and greed not love or care

man, misunderstood is, is not the creator but destroyer

For man is nature’s way of closing the great cycle of life

for no greater parasite, could nature befall on itself

For no other creature, fails to reach a balance with nature yet lives on

for no parasite, consumes, and does not move on

I have seen men, walk over brothers

without regret without a tear in the heart

Devoid of feeling understanding any emotion

Man cares not to hog while another starves infront of him

man would strive for all the Earth and Moon and stars,

while 6 feet of land is all he needs

Man loves no one, not the general good

not the society he obeys

not the God he worships

not the woman who provides for him

not the child dependant on him

not himself, for his own being

Man loves perceptions, created by others

man works to fulfil, the goals deemed fit by others

If a man, steps out his toe

either becomes a legend if I sleep

or an outcaste, as I deem fit

For I provide all comforts, man may need

and I only ask for his soul, which he happily gives

Man, does not regret, for regret is unknown to him

he only feels emptiness, for his soul is now devoid of him

I reside now, in the voice of men

the voice they utter the voice they hear

The one voice, I could not conquer

the inner voice the inner call

I taught man to ignore

I taught society, to stake the one who chooses not to

Man preached his God, but I was the one preached

Man fell one day and died, and I was the one who lived

Vishal Gupta

June 18^th, 2013

Continued at Jesus Speaks