Dear Juniors, note one thing
very carefully. When a PlaceCom tells you, ‘it’s urgent,’ it usually means that
you’ll be made to wait till the end days of the world. If you thought the
events of AutumnFest never start on time, take them just as a preparatory
measure for your placements. After reaching the venue, I waited 4 hours for the
interview. Now, I can tell you that the wait for the interview is much worse
than the actual interview unless you have a Mills and Boon or Munni and Sheela
along with you. Finally, when I was called in, it felt like the most idiotic
conversation I’d ever had and trust me I’ve been through shitheads. Allow me to
highlight some of the stupidest questions I was asked.
So, you’re studying Aeronautical Engineering and you have a decent
CGPA. Why do you want to join consulting?
You’re the one hiring for consultants you tell me, did you come to TTI
looking for MBAs? Or do you want me to say that I don’t like Aeronautics so
that you can pound on me for having an unstable mindset? I’m here because you
pay well and “consulting” sounds good. Darn I’ve spent 4 years at TTI! Like
shit I know what consulting is or why am I applying. And what the hell do you
mean by a “decent CGPA”. I’m a lower Satti in Aero, that’s like the
Nakul-Sahadev of KGN, but you know crap about engineering colleges as well.
But this is not what I should be replying.
Sir, I’ve always been
fascinated by consulting. Here I get to solve multiple problems, interact with
multiple clients and get a chance to learn from the elite in the corporate
industry. Consulting allows me to create an impact on lives (read balance sheets). Plus, I love to
travel. I think this desire to work in an environment where I get to learn the
know-how of the finances, marketing and public relations across verticals of
different industries makes me best suited for consulting.
Are you comfortable with coding?
No, I’m a noob at coding. I’ve completed 6 depth courses in MATLAB, C
and JAVA and you can see that on my CV and still you have the nerve to ask this
question. Why don’t you hire the CS guys whom you’ve actually come for? Oh
wait, you don’t have enough money to pay them in your company. So you’re
looking for coding freaks from other departments to hand over the redundant
mind-numbing coding job which organizations from the west have outsourced to
you. In short, to make a couple of small bucks, which will just be a handful of
change from the US, you create the image of India as a software hub with all
Indians as drone computer coders and then you come to TTI for recruitment you
sick bastards! And oh by the way, I really can’t code too much. So please tell
me now that you won’t select me. Seriously this tie is killing me.
Sir, I’ve completed a number
of courses in MATLAB, C and JAVA. Also during my internships, I didn’t have the
relevant coding skills at first but I was always quick to learn. I scored
Excellent grades in my Programming and Data Structures Laboratory. Technology
has never been a barrier whenever I’ve been asked to do something. I always
take coding as a tool, not as an obstacle.
Tell me a weakness you have. Tell an incident when your weakness let
you down and how you overcame from it.
Tell me about the time when you lost your virginity, whom you did it
with, and what was your reaction when you realized you are gay? First of all,
if I had a weakness worth talking about, I’d have already worked on it. Plus,
you’re not willing to accept an answer which is academic, personal or medical.
What you’re asking for is a specific term you can raise your eyebrows at. What
you’ll get is an answer where I’ll prove that I have a trait which is not
exactly a weakness and how I use it as a strength. Ultimately, the only thing
you’ll learn from this question is how well have I prepared for this HR part of
the interview.
Sir, I trust people very
easily. Though it helps me connect with people at a greater level, it has been
disturbing to me in some crucial dealings. For example, once I was taking the One
Ring back to Mordor when an Orc caught up with me. I didn’t understand much of
what he said but I believed him to be trying to help me. I allowed him to tie
my hands and hang me upside down on a rod. Only later did Gandalf burn him and
tell me that I shouldn’t trust Orcs, Ogres and CEOs so easily. Since then I’ve
never put my faith in anything which did not grow a grey beard. [Awkward pause] Or a white
beard.
Tell me an incident when you’ve influenced a group
Once during the dead hours of the night my wing was arguing whether the
GPL of a fellow wingie should be with rubber chappals or slippers. That’s when
I brought out my new Adidas shoes and that’s the last I saw of them. But this
worked in motivating the group and someone also brought a bucket-full of water.
Sir, it hurts bad during a GPL if your butt is wet. It hurts more if it’s
someone else’s birthday and you’re getting GPL-ed just because you went inside
the mob looking for your shoes.
Once during a Product Design
competition with my Hall, they’d decided that they wanted to make the
helicopter like the one in Aamir Khan’s 3 Idiots. However, being from
Aeronautical, I knew that it was impractical to plan the device within such a
short span of time (plus they’d asked me
if it I could help them make that and it was easier to tell them that making it
is not possible than telling them that I know nothing about Aeronautics), but
I suggested another idea with improving the efficiency of a washing machine. We
ultimately worked on that project and even won Gold in the competition (I still wonder how!)
