Void

A great void persists,

in the chasms of his soul

A vacuum, suffocating him

draining his energies and strength

His mind wanders in space, without anchor

as time passes by, he starts to lose hope

He seeks out memories that once were

of joy and love and peace and life

He remembers that happiness

can be found even in the darkest of times

If only one just remembers

to turn on the lights

Exhausted, he wonders if he wants to fight

he considers if he wants to pick himself up

The true test of strength is not how hard man falls

But if he wills himself to stand up again

Eyes heavy, he wishes to drift off

and let another future face his reality

He takes crutches of distractions, feigning sanity

shallow love, stories, food, power, and fantasy

For he won’t be judged for confirming to norms absurd

He shal’t be though, if they knew he needs a hug

And dark clouds gather, to no relief

but offer no rains, to drench his soul deep

He fears not death, but welcomes it

Perhaps that is his fallacy, making him weak

How does one fight longer than possible without

that most powerful impulse of the spirit

And he looks up, to make the climb

only this time, without an anchor to keep him from dying

Men have no hell, save one they make for themselves

and no torture is more severe, than that born in his own soul

For as long as life breathes on, man must live with hope

learning like shipwrecked men turning to sea from insatiable thirst

There is no true despair, without hope

for hope is the only thing, that poisons men’s souls

He understands the people, for their petty souls

true that Brutus too was an honourable man

for men was as good as the world allows them to be

and morals are cast out like a bad joke

What stops a dog from eating another, when hunger strikes?

What stops man from eating his brother, when need arrives?

A great void persists,

in the chasms of his soul

but how difficult may it be

to have a lump out of your throat

beautiful smiles, such simple things

yet so far, why would they seem

Vishal Gupta

14^th June 2018

Bookmarks

Humor the thought

What if you could bookmark relationships?

Think about it

You have a friend, a loved one, a family member, a pet,

or anyone you love or care for or hate or feel any thing

What if it was possible, to bookmark a relationship

To go back to whenever you wanted to

Right where you left off

Or maybe you'd just bookmark the good memories.

And choose to ignore the bad ones

The ones that you don't want to remember

And just go back to again and again

Would that be wonderful?

OR

What if you could place a bookmark in a relationship

You'd promise yourself that you'd return "soon"

When you have more time or more money or more clarity or more stability

Or when your parents are happy or when you are independent

or just next year or the year after that or after graduation

You'd make promises to yourself

And bookmark them

But you know that you wouldn't return

Life would get the better of you

And the bookmark would be lost in the sands of time

Then suddenly one day, cleaning old cobwebs of your life

You discover it again

Dusty. Rusted.

You're not ready for this right now

The bookmark is still there

It's somewhat familiar

You made a promise to yourself

You know you're not going to keep it

Hush! no one needs to know

But you take a small whiff

It smells familiar

Smells older

It's slightly torn

You don't mind

Are you prepared to pick it up again?

Continue where you left off?

Or do you leave it behind

because it’s not yours anymore?

Vishal Gupta

2 Apr 2019

Bodhgaya

I had left from my hometown in Calcutta for Bodhgaya and Dashrath Manjhi Road hoping it to be a soul-satisfying 2 day trip. I arrived at Gaya at 6:00 in the morning. After bargaining with different rickshaw walas for 30 mins where they’d try to squeeze in more money after you got in, I finally found one that seemed to be reliable and headed off first to Dashrath Manjhi Road.

As you approach the historic site, you can feel the echoes of chisel and hammer hitting rock as one man labored to cut a way out of a freaking mountain! It’s as if you can hear his screams of agony, pain, and triumph as he kept hitting hammer after hammer to carve out the mountain. It appears as if the locals have taken it upon themselves to keep alive the legacy. En route you can see many half-cut mountains. You quickly understand that this is because a lot of stone mining is being done in the vicinity. This one time you do not feel bad for the scars being inflicted upon Mother Nature. After all, Gehlaur has little use and no respect for mountains. And it’s a spectacle to see man overcoming mountains. Very fittingly in the heart of Bihar which is supposed to be nourished by the streams of Ganga. This is no place for mountains. And so the legacy lives on. A gate and a huge poster adorn the starting of the 110m road. 110m. Sounds almost insignificant in front of modern day technology. Yet in the absence of this road Gehlaur was a slave to the mountain. The road is not flat. It goes uphill to where the highest point of the cross section of the mountain would have been, and then comes down again towards Gehlaur. However, I could not see any signs of civilization for as far as I could see at the other end. I guess Gehlaur was not right next to the mountain itself but a little far away. Wikipedia tells me that the road reduced the distance between Gehlaur and the nearest town with a doctor from 55 km to 15 km. Only 110m did that! the question in the movie comes to me. When faced with a difficult task, you can ask yourself, ‘is this more difficult than cutting down a mountain?’

Once you see it for yourself, the movie stops being fiction and becomes real. And I guess that’s all it’s about. So I walked along the road for a bit till I heard a hissing noise. Again taking cue from the movie, I imagined a snake. And that was my cue to get out of there. So I made way to Bodhgaya. The road to Bodhgaya would take me through Gaya once again.

I arrived at Bodhgaya around 9:30. The first place I went to was the Great Buddha Statue, advertised as 80’ tall while actually being only 70’ tall. I want to point out how casually I used the word “only” here. As if 70’ or 80’ would make any difference or the statue any less imposing. Bodhgaya is a myriad of temples and eateries. Soon I’d checked into the hotel (Hotel Sakura, nice and clean with proximity to most stuff – recommended), seen half-an-episode of “Two Broke Girls”, taken a bath, spread out my things in the room, and seen enough Buddhist temples to grow bored of them. By 11:30 I knew I was headed towards the Mahabodhi temple, home of the Bodhi tree.

By 12:00, I was inside the Mahabodhi temple. I saw the Bodhi Tree. I think I might have liked to write beneath it but I also know that I’m not a guy who’d sit under a tree and write. I prefer rooms with tables. No matter if it was the most famous and holiest tree in the world, I was not enticed. I decided to leave early and go back to my family. Ironically, that seemed to be the right thing to do at that time. Maybe because Bodhgaya turned out to be a pretty boring city. Or maybe because it’s very small. There’s a lot of walking involved but the roads aren’t that good. The food turned out to be bad. Also, I guess there was a spot of a companion that I missed by my side.

Despite that, as I left the city, I felt energetic. As if something had grown clear within me. As if I’d found my answers within even though I lost the ability to articulate them. Did the teachings of Buddha really have any effect on me due to the place? Or due to my journey? Maybe we’re not supposed to find out.

Long Years

Meeting after long years, their eyes were filled with tears

‘I’ve missed you so much,’ he said to her through his fears

But alas he knew, neither wanted for them to stay together

She was no longer the girl he knew, and so he wouldn’t take her

Neither would she agree, for he had remained as was he

In the hay days of their companionship

they were each other’s reason to live

For lonely men and women lead a life devoid of purpose

and there is no being living ever more deplorable

But soon love fades and bitter feelings emerge

as neither was willing to accept, that love takes effort

The reason for living became the bane of existence

sense of duty prevailed, but will to live did fade

And so they parted ways, never to be interfere again

as a memory he would remember her, but no more

and she would attempt to forget, but flashes would remind

Of the curse they now both carried, and would for life

And whenever life would remind me of his curse he’d laugh

for humor was all he was left with once drained of tears

When she left, he mourned for a long while

time moved on, and wounds burned incessantly

and sorrow turned to rage,

but twas not the end of his punishment

It worsened still and nothing was left

except for humor, and he learnt

that rage follows sorrow, and comedy follows rage

Once he was done, and he turned to the heavens for solace

for his options were to break down and give up

or to stay up and fight to his imminent end

But Gods offer no condolence, which is the trade of man

They made a hole in the ground and pushed down further

Scraping the pavement with his face, pulling out hair from the scalp

and just when he felt it was all over

God would land another thunder on his unsuspecting back

And it was then when he decided, that he would go down with honor

He would continue to fight till his last breath

And he would keep breathing, and make each breath count

For things had a way of eventually getting better

if he just kept breathing for long enough

And so he walked, searching for his happiness

Through the town where she came from

Walking barefeet in a city of broken glasses

Believing in one thing and then the next

and then believing in nothing at all

for he was over the fairy tales of the world

which people celebrated in groups

so as to not be labeled as lunatics

In such worlds his lack of beliefs were an abomination

and he accepted his existence as abominable

But once he happened to chance upon the sound of her voice

Turning around, he found her pitying for his deplorable life

She was no longer the girl he knew,

and he had remained as was he

Vishal Gupta

5 December 2017

Something Old

Met someone new, felt something old

I have lately have this “newfound” desire

of going back to old familiar things

Watch movies I’ve watched and liked

Read that cult classic over and over again

Watch the epic movie that stunned audiences

Meet old friends at old familiar places

and have conversations we’ve already had

I constantly look for the next thing

The lists of life grow long that take a lifetime to get to

So I rarely allow myself the luxury of repetition

“Once done must be well done” is the motto

But only lately, I have had this desire

Desires that come alive again, which had once grown old

like laying on the roof and watching the stars again

Going to a familiar place and watching the sunset again

Watching the moon, playing old games in its light

And watching young lovers sing songs again

Over the world, my heart had to roam

Now I seek something a little closer to home

Holding her in my arms again

Feeling her kiss that I've dearly missed

The familiar feeling of her flesh on mine

So natural as if was meant to be

Knowing, in her presence, that I was “home”

For "home" is not a place, it is a person

It's knowing she is mine and is safe with me

Vishal Gupta

25 Jan 2018