Love

A poem nine years in the making and the last of the trilogy. This one is very dear to me and perhaps brings out the feeling in the best way one can put it. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it. So without further adieu, presenting to you... Love.

Love

Chatting with a friend on a summer noon

she asked me to tell her what love is

I chuckled, I could not explain

for it is a feeling, too difficult for my words

I could attempt to give it meaningful words

to wrap it in beauty, and present it to the world

But I know my words could never do justice

that my words will always be too small to convey the meaning of love

So I refuse to make an attempt,

because whatever I say would be too small

to express tender wild emotion

what people call love

She asks me for a symbol, she wont rest without one

she wants to understand, if she has ever felt love

I think for a moment, scared to reply

for this is a risk, to corner love in a symbol

But alas! She leaves me no choice

and I think for a moment, before I reply

Love is when, you’re ready to give

everything you have in your life

Now let’s take the two objects

most precious in your life

One is your life itself, on which based is your entire strive

but the other, is what makes life meaningful

the only gift you get in your life

is your precious, unaltered time.

When you lay back at night

and think of someone and smile

you know your day was theirs today

and for them now you spend your breath

They have your thoughts tonight

they will rule your dreams

They have earned your time tonight

And you shall love them forever

You don’t need a long time to fall in love

A day is long enough to know a person

But love, love is something much simpler

only a moment is enough to fall in love

All you need is a right moment

when you fall in love with his eyes

When his smile makes more meaning for you

than any happiness you’ve encountered in life

She smiles at me, still listening

but her eyes have drifted away

she remembers something, or perhaps someone

‘I wish I could have that moment,’ she mumbles

She notices I’ve stopped my sermon,

and looks me in the eye

She asks me how to fall in love

how to experience that sensation divine

I tell her she can’t, if she can understand love

no one chooses to fall

It happens to one and happens to all

she would just have to recognize her call

I told her an old saying, about whom to love and whom to not

It asked not to fall for someone you love

but be smart and give your heart to someone who loves you back

for giving away your love may bring back pain

but taking love does not

But alas, those who understand love,

know this cannot be done

for loving someone you love with all your heart

is what love is all about

She looks down thinking, if she’d ever find the one to love

and if she does, would she be among the lucky to be loved back

for now she understands it’s blessed to love with all your heart

and blessed to be loved, by another man’s soul

but deific to be loved back, by the one to whom she has given her core

I tell her not to worry, in any case she’d make a good story

and I’d always be there to pen it for her

she smiles at my little jest and asks me to foresee

would she ever find her love so fine

I tell her I’m unable to predict

for future holds mysteries far intricate than now

but I let her know in any case she’d be lucky

For indeed lucky is girl, who is the first love of a boy

very lucky, for a life goes to her name

everything he becomes, he owes to her

He waits his entire life, just to hear her voice

Very lucky she becomes, when a boy opens his heart for the first time for her

yet,

luckier is the boy, who is the last love of a girl

for he gets more, much more

when a boy opens up, he gives her his life

but when a girl falls in love

the boy gets everything he wished for

his dreams come true and his life attains meaning

He wishes for nothing else in life

His journey becomes complete and he becomes ready to die

They write the first love is divine

but the writer must’ve been a guy

For a girl, it’s her last love when she truly leaves her past

and gives herself to a boy

A boy never leaves his past, that’s why his true love is his first

a girl leaves behind everything

to bathe in the shower of her last love

She looks at me, now I see wonder in her eyes

she asks me, have I ever gone through it

How did I feel, what went wrong

How could I, fail to reach to the girl I love

I told her my words came from my failure

And my understanding from my pain

I was not sad that she is the love of someone else’s life

I was sad,

because someone else was the love of her life

someone, who made her happy

someone who gave her a smile I could not imagine harming

so I asked her to go away

for even though I would live in pain without her

My crying heart would be happy

that she has happily moved on with someone who gave her joy

When she’d come, I asked her to come

To come so, that she’d never have to go

And now that she’s gone, I just asked her

never to come back again

She looks at me with a sad eye

and embraces me with a warm hug

a tear falls on her shoulder

and some weight lifts from my chest

Vishal Gupta

April 14^th, 2012

वो मेरा कभी था ही नही

आज प्यार हो गया उससे
जो मेरा कभी था हि नहीं
बरस बिता दिए उन दिनो कि ख्वाहिश में
जो यादें मेरी थी ही नही

उसे याद करके जो मुस्कुराया करता था मैं
वो खुशी भी मेरी न थी
उससे जुदाई में जो आँसू मैने बहाए
वो आँसू भी मेरे ना थे

जब उसे पाने के लिए, दुनिया जीत ली थी मैने
उसकी खुशी की खातिर, होंठ सी लिए थे मैने
बरसो उसके ही लिए, खामोशी की लहरो पे नाव खेता रहा
उसे हो ना कोई तकलीफ़, इसीलिए ज़माने के पत्थर सहता रहा
आज जाना है टूटे दिल ने मेरे
वो दुनिया भी मेरी ना थी, वो तकलीफ़ भी मेरा ना थी

उससे एक खामोश वादा कर, उसका शहर छोड़ चला था मैं
खुदको उसके काबिल बनाने, खुदको बदलने चला था मैं
उसकी मंज़ूरी पाने में डूबा, उसीको खो दिया मैने
आज वो मेरे साथ तो है
बस जिन आँखों को दिल ने चूमना चाहा था
वो आँखें मेरी ना हैं

उसकी मुस्कान मुझे दिखती तो है
खिलती है बदलती है मचलती तो है है
वो आँखें भी शरारत से इठलाती तो हैं
पूछती है अनकहे सवालो जा जवाब भी दे जाती है
सवाल पूछने का हक़ तो मिला मुझे
पर वो जवाब मेरे लिए ना थे
उसकी मुस्कान मैने उसकी यादों से वापस खोजी
पर वो यादें मेरी ना थी

एक बात जो दिल में बसा रखी थी,
आज उससे वो कह भी दी है
एक तमन्ना जो दिल में दबा रखी थी
आज वो उसने सुन भी ली है
जो दिया उसने मेरी ख्वाहिश के बदले
वो ख्वाहिश मेरी न थी
पर स्वीकारा मैने उसने जो भी दिया
क्योंकि जो माँग मैने की थी
उसकी तक़दीर मेरी ना था

उसके प्यार में खुदको बदला है मैने
आज भी वो मुझमे कहीं है
बस ख्ता इतनी ही रह गयी
अब वो मैं भी मैं ना हूँ

मेरी कहानी की वो कश्ती तो है
मेरी कहानी उसके बिना अधूरी सी है
पर उसकी आज कहानी का
वो हिस्सा मेरा नही
जिस दिल का प्यार उसने माना
वो दिल मेरा तो नही

आज फिर प्यार हो गया उससे
जो मेरा कभी था ही नही

विशाल गुप्ता

फ़रवरी १२, २०१२

आँखों को उसे ढूँढने कि आदत-सी हो गयी है

लहर दर लहर, वक़्त कि नदी बहती है

जाते-जाते चुपके से, मेरे कानो में कुछ कहती है

बोल धीमे हैं उसके, हिचकिचाती है शरमाती है

पर नटखट है, बोले बिना भी न रह पाती है

उसके लफ़्ज़ों कि दिशा मैं पहचानता हूँ

मैं जानता हूँ वो क्या कहना चाहती है

हर पल हर लम्हा, वो एक ही तो गीत गाती है

अल्फ़ाज़ बदलते हैं उसके, पर बात वही रह जाती है

आज पूछती है मुझसे, ये परेशान क्यों हैं तुम्हारी आँखें

सोई-सोई खोई-खोई, ये वीरान क्यों हैं तुम्हारी आँखें

यादों में डूबी दिखती हैं, पर चौकान्नी भी हैं तुम्हारी आँखें

मन के दामन में छुपी तस्वीर देखनी है, तो मूंद लो ये आँखें

मैं मुस्कुराता हूँ, वक्त झूठ नही बोलता

बंद होके भी, उसका चेहरा आँखों से नही हटता

पर अब आँखें मून्दने की ज़रूरत नही पड़ती

खुली आँखों से भी, अब उसकी तस्वीर नही हटती

कभी कहीं उसकी मुस्कान खिलती है

तो कभी उसके बालों की परछाई दिखती है

कभी एक चुलबुली सी हँसी ही उसके चेहरे की याद दिलाती है

कभी आँखें मूंद सोना चाहू, तो उसके हिलकोरो की तस्वीर नींद ले जाती है

और जब उसकी आँखों की याद आती है

तो मेरी आँखों से एक बूँद गिर जाती है

खुशी की है शायद, कि कभी मैने उन आँखों को करीब से देखा था

या शायद गम की है, कि उनमें अपने लिए जगह नही बना पाया था

मासूम नहीं हैं मेरी आँखें, शिकार करना चाहती हैं

किसी और हसीं कि, एक हँसी देखना चाहती हैं

पर दिल में उसकी जो तस्वीर है, वो अब कुछ पुरानी-सी हो गयी है

और अब हर हसीं चेहरे मैं, उसे ढूँढने की आदत-सी हो गयी है

धोखा भी तो नहीं खाती मेरी आँखें, उसकी हर अदा पहचानती हैं

और जब उसकी झलक नही मिले, तो खुद ही मायूस हो जाती हैं

पर भीड़ में उसकी एक आहत जब मिले, तो खुशी से भर आती हैं

और वो ना भी मिले तो, उसे ढूँढती चौकन्नि, वीरान, परेशान नज़र आती हैं

ग़लती नही है ये उसकी, ये तो खुदा का ही खेल है

दिल में मोहब्बत भरता है, पर दिल जीतना नही सिखाता

उसकी यादों में जीना सिखा देता है बस

उसे दूर खुश देख, दुखी रहना भी नही सिखाता

और खुदा से जब बहुत शिग्वे कर लिए, तो उसने भी अपना दस्तूर दिखाया

किसी और दिलदार को, मेरे दिल का कायल बनाया

दिल तोड़ा है मैने उसका, पर उसे तो मुझसे प्यार था

इस टूटे दिल पे, उसका ये आखरी वार था

अब मैं किसीकि आँखों का आँसू हूँ

और कहीं मेरे नाम की भी नदी बहती है

लहर दर लहर, हिचकिचाती है शरमाती है

पर पर नटखट है, बोले बिना भी न रह पाती है

विशाल गुप्ता

अप्रैल 13, 2012

An Open Letter to the Ministry of Education

Dear people at the helm of education in India,

Let me introduce myself. I am a 3^rd year engineering student who “cracked” late IIT-JEE in 2009 and life has never been the same. But this letter is not about the escapades of an IITian. Many other writers seem to be doing the job of reminiscing those stories rather well; some of whom aren’t even IITians themselves. I’m not even trying to waste time by asking you to bring back IIT-JEE because as Dumbledore said, “no spell can reawaken the dead.”  And in my opinion JEE was pathetic anyways but I’ll come back to that later. Lastly, I’m not going to bother to make this article sound intellectually appealing because come on, I need to get the message out to YOU and I know what language gets through with you. What I want to talk about are my own selfish needs and how you screwed it up.

First I want you to understand the difference between science and engineering and please read it carefully because for over 60 years now you have been having trouble with understanding this. Science, is understanding that there are stars and planets in the sky. Engineering is sending a rover to the planet to test its soil for human habitation. Let me make a table for your weak attention span to absorb better.

Science	Engineering
Trying to understand the stars, planets, and other stuff out there	Making a flying bot to go out there and bring back pictures and soil (and bacteria if they can find any)
Knowing that if you add up an infinite series of seemingly random numbers, you get legitimate results on quantum mechanics	Writing a computer code to add up that infinite series in 2 seconds
Knowing how electricity works and if you want a bulb brighter, you need more power	Making the bulb
Understanding the method of genetic evolution	Buying a goat named Dolly and cloning her

            I could go on, but I hope you get the point. Now let me tell you what you did. You created the toughest exam in the world for science, and used it for selections in the best engineering colleges. It means you find a person who plays excellent chess, and send him to the Olympics for basketball. And then we have half of the “tax-paying” Indians complain that their precious money is being used by people who don’t even end up as engineers. There’s a reason why we don’t end up as engineers. BECAUSE ENGINEERS ARE NOT WHAT WE WANTED TO BE! Yes, some of us become excellent engineers because some have a passion for it and JEE was only a hurdle they had to cross before they could hop on to the real world of gadgets and computer programming. For most of us, we just wanted to give the best exam you created to test ourselves for science. We worked our asses out and became the best at what we enjoyed to do. Science. So we crack JEE and the whole nation is at our feet shouting – “You made it! You’re the best at this thing. You deserve to be an IITian.”

By now even we want to be IITians. IIT, the place which created such a great exam to select the best minds of the country and we do accept that we are the best brains. Though this is only valid till you consider that what we call the “best brain” is only the left part of the brain and the exams in no way test our creativity and intellectual thought. Sadly in India, being good at studies means being good at exams relating to science or math. If you score over 80%, you should opt for science. If between 50 to 80%, try commerce and if you’re so pathetic that you fall even below 50%, then either take arts or get married. In either case your future prospects in India would be the same. You won’t even take a moment to consider that the reason you scored 95% in your board exams was because you were intelligent and not scientific. Again, two very different things.

Amartya Sen, Rabindranath Tagore, Salman Rushdie, Amitav Ghosh and Kiran Bedi. They aren’t scientists or engineers. They’re just geniuses which a country of a population of over a billion produces every day (statistical truth). Out of these geniuses, most are stacked into believing that since they have good concentration and hard-working ability, they should take science. It’s like saying if you can hold a hockey stick well, you should play cricket with the national team because that’s the sport which pays.

Yes that’s what we do in India. We switch to the field which pays rather than improving the field we‘re passionate about. If you want a good life, have a good dad. If you fail at being born in an affluent family, study for what pays.

So why did I study for JEE? Because I love(d?) science.

Why do I hate IIT? Because it tested me for science and is trying to teach me unsolvable equations every day.

What will I do next? I’ll give CAT and try to get into an IIM.

Why MBA? Because after 4 years of struggle I’ve lost faith and interest in the things I love and was passionate about so now I’m going to go for the money. Besides, again CAT is going to test me with Math and English two things I’m very good at. Obviously again in IIM the curriculum will not relate to English and Math but by now I’ve lost interest.

So to the people who keep fretting about their tax-money. One, I’m in trouble too. And this is a part of my struggle. Two, there’s not a damn thing you can do about it sitting in the confines of a room infront of your laptops or PCs so abuse me if you want to. It won’t make a difference.

This article is over. The pessimists can stop reading. The people who live with the hope that if we don’t all die in December 2012 (I wish we do), the world will be a better place, read on…

I’ve told you about the problems with the system but my English teacher at school once told me that it’s the duty of a writer to give a solution to the problem he addresses. It’s a good thing that they’re abolishing IIT-JEE. It didn’t do the people any good to stack the best scientific brains of the country in 7 (or 13 whatever) top engineering colleges. But making another exam which’ll again test the students for science and put them in more engineering colleges isn’t going to do better either. At least JEE ensured that the people with the best left-brains got together and created wonders. The solution to the problem is not making a new exam or making more IITs or IIMs. It’s in introducing the career choices at an earlier level. Career counselors must visit schools and tell students what lies ahead and when I say counselors I mean real career counselors and not the son-in-law of the district mayor.

Secondly, for students aspiring careers in science and engineering, they should be made aware of the difference. Not like me who accepted the difference at the end of his 2^nd year in college by when it was too late to go back.

Thirdly, if a student really aspires for engineering, computer coding must be made compulsory at school level and should be a subject in competitive examinations because the days when engineers fit nuts and bolts are gone. Today in every field of engineering MATLAB, C++ and simulation softwares are compulsory and if you aren’t good enough with those, you might as well write long open letters on unfamiliar blogs.

Fourthly, students must know the different career paths available to them and how to pursue them. When I gave JEE, I didn’t even know about IISc, IIST, etc. All I knew was if you want to study science, join an engineering college. Yes, it was a fallacy on my part but that’s what 17 year olds all over the world without a guide or a mentor do. They choose a path and by the time they realize the path is not for them, it’s usually too late. Same goes for the arts streams in India. Art students are seen with such a downtrodden look that they actually feel shame for what they do. Art isn’t for the person with low grades. It’s for someone who likes to open himself up. All over the world, successful artists are geniuses who’ve changed the field they work in. Arts is what you do with your right side of the brain which the Indian education system gallantly neglects. As a result, that part of the brain rottens and one day collapses.

Anyways, this article was a result of built-up frustration and now I feel better. I would like to debate and talk more about this topic as I understand this space was too short to cover all the points. But writing a book on it would only be a waste of paper. Why would anyone want to read a book about how the book-system in India is a failure. If you have been patient enough to reach the end of this article, I bid you goodbye. I’ve got to study for my 6^th semester exams.

Sincerely,

A frustrated IITian

When I Died

Reaching the Judgment Day,

I knew it was time to answer

the Lord stood before me glancing

decided she was, but chose to play

She welcomed me to doors white high

and stood smiling without a word

I believed she wanted me to speak

but my reflection was not yet done

‘You think about your life,’ she said

‘All your life you’ve thought

leave the comfort of reminiscence

even in death you cannot.’

I stood there, aghast

she knew what I thought

But she was the omniscient

foolish of me to consider she could not

‘You lived a good life

yet remained dissatisfied

you planned and planned and thought of your tomorrow

you thought of the past which gave you sorrow

Seven billion other mortals

and hundred years as your time

So short to live, so long to waste

yet you don’t understand my design

Your life was too short,

not long was it meant to be

but in your time yourself

you took so seriously

Life is too short,

to take yourself so seriously

Your life and thoughts,

are nothing to the further eternity

Your life was meant, to cherish the time you had

to spread love and care and affection and warmth

to dance in the rain and learn in the shade

to appreciate what beauty and wonder I had made

Instead you engrossed

in complex worry and fear

while I made you so simple

why did you become so real?

You needn’t go for riches and fame

no one cared from which hand you ate

no one remembered, what you called your “embarrassing moments”

who would remember, who you were or what you became?

Your life had none of these aims

yet to petite acceptance you gave yourself away

You were my masterpiece, away from the jungle laws

but your own laws you created, and in your laws you got caught’

I looked at her, feeling subdued

a little tear from my eye now poured

indeed I wasted my thoughts, all my life

I could be so much, but only if before I’d realised…

‘You spent too much precious time

Gloating over your past

and even more time

planning what would eventually come

Your time both past and future

were what you lived in

Were you not aware that past does not return

and the future, will invariably come?

Time works mysteriously

you don’t know what it holds

Yesterday, you planned for the days to come

today, to stand before me, looking at your life undone

You needn’t have worried about your future

it would, inevitably come

You missed my biggest gift; I gave you time

you just forgot your present life’

I stood there, now filled with regret

If only, I’d known this then

but now she was speaking and I was dead

I asked her why didn’t this before she had said

‘What mean that this before I hadn’t said

I said all this when you were a child

you used to listen to me then

but slowly with time adulthood came

As your playthings became bigger

you drowned my song by the noise

sometimes I would shout out and it would pain you

so you drowned me more with hatred and poise

You didn’t hate me,

it was yourself you loathed

For you knew I was right

but you didn’t have the strength to accept it

Throughout your life, I called you out

every day, I reminded you didn’t I?

I was the dying voice of your inner self

That’s where I reside, and that’s where I died

You didn’t die alone when you lay

you killed me with your self

with your failure in life, I died too

I stand here in sorrow, and not to play with you

I talked with you within you

but you never cared to listen

Too comfortable in your life you were

everytime I screamed, I was ignored

The inner voice you fail to hear

yet you choose every sound in the world

Is it my fault that even when I’m there with you

you choose to live completely alone?’

I knew now where she was

I collapsed on the clouds below

Her anger was just, but not complete

She went on with her discourse

‘In life you never heard me

that’s why I speak to you now

for in death you realize

your life was incomplete and shallow

I was always with you

yet you dreaded walking alone

You accepted the dead customs of society

to be accepted by whom you dislike

You chose the roads of your peers

and reached the destinations they couldn’t

But it was not your path to begin with

So how could you have their end?

I wrote your destiny different,

but you chose to be one among the herd

I wished for your greatness

but you wished to be mingled in the crowd

Too afraid you were, to walk the path you thought right

too frightened to claim, what was your right

Now you seek answers, useless for your dead being

you could have found them, had you walked your line

Lonesome journey it would have been

but you’d have been closer to me

Close to me, like you are now

but you delayed, and chose misery

You could’ve walked a glorious path

and live a life satisfied

but you chose to forbid the path alone

and now before me you cry.’

Every word she spoke was true,

but it killed what of me was alive

I knew she wouldn’t stop and I needed her to go on

for this was my penance and my remorse

‘You knew every word I speak is right

you knew this in death and in life

you chose to hide your self from yourself

dishonest you were with your time

Your mortality was challenged all the time

yet you chose to remain in debt

Indebted you died from the few who cared

and never will they know what you held inside

You knew this day would come

I told you this every day

But you lived like you had an eternity to live

and the same ignorant fool you have died

You were loved by many

more than most people have in their time

You had a caring mother and a loving wife

never will they know the story from your side

Never now will they hear,

that you loved them so

Mourn for you they will

but less than what you deserve

Your legacy could have been great

had only you spread love

had only you told them once

their life meant more to you than yours

But never had you found time

never moments to express your love

never you thought you couldn’t

say this to them again

You died dissatisfied,

they were left ignorant

you weep here for they are alive

and they mourn for you have died

You could’ve died earlier

when a drunk truck had passed you by

or the ground would have shaken

or the sky showed aggression

The ship you mounted on 2 years ago

had a bore no one knew

I help the craft for you to live

hoping you’d make use of your time

Alas! You chose to ignore every day

as your celebration of life

your dues kept on piling

and now in debt you have died

Preparing for your death

was the motive of life

for life was nothing but a journey

before the adventure of death arrived

You took live to be everything

and now before me you cry

you neither paid your dues nor realised

your mortality was challenged all the time.’

Vishal Gupta

April 11^th, 2012

IIT Kharagpur