Tu me manques

At the end of each day

when the void starts to set in

tu me manques

 

In the dead of the night

amongst the sound of hollow silence

tu me manques

 

When my heart takes hold of my soul

and obstructs every step I take

tu me manques

 

When every step and every breath

gets heavier and heavier as the clock keeps turning

tu me manques

 

When the Sun swelters bright

and suddenly takes goes away bringing a cold nothingness

tu me manques

 

When sounds abound

but meaning leaves the soul

tu me manques

 

When life takes me through the dark tunnels

unable to see the light on the other side

tu me manques

 

Tu me manques

tu me manques

tu… me manques

 

Vishal Gupta

April 21^st, 2022

Monsoon Again

Continued from Monsoon

 

Monsoon Again

 

We sat in the scorching sun for long

For long did we allow the blaze and embers

to glean through our skin and flesh

burning with the rage of the sky

Punishing us for sins of the past

With vengeance, the light did shine

and with vengeance it melted all

Wisdom, patience, sanity, hope

 

And wait did we in indoor chasms of our own making

Hidden from the world, hoping for relief

Unable, to look our tormentor into the eye

Begging, for mercy, expanding, our plight

For we are not the ones in the wrong

But it’s the crimes of the past that loom on

And so breaking sweat we prayed

To the sky to offer respite

 

And for long did we wait, till suddenly

The river seemed to call to us one day

And as we headed towards, the Gods gave a mighty call

As we sat along, roaring thunder was about

As we showed faith, it was rewarded with rain

Sitting by the river one fateful day

With the ground trembling and sky roaring

the first drops from the sky fell like a song from the sky

 

And what music it was! What delight!

As wait and faith took form of droplets

returned with the grace of the overlords

Perhaps it was a test of faith

perhaps a present for our endeavors

or, perhaps just a lesson divine

that the only way to appreciate your gifts

is to yearn for them a while

 

I know the rain can take form of a flood

As devastating as summer, perhaps more

But perhaps that’s the lesson hidden

Seasons will come and seasons will go

and the present is the only present we have

So cherish it well, till it becomes your tormentor

to be relieved by another, and yet another

As the cycle continues, the gift is the pain

It’s all the same

It’s all the same

 

Vishal Gupta

April 27^th, 2023

Underwater

Ebbs and currents flow underneath the horizon

and take me along,

Ebbs and currents, hot and cold

and with the drift I flow

 

I’d heard that only dead fish swim with the flow

and I struggled to find my own path

till I realized that not only dead fish swim with the flow

but once a while, even great big whales do

 

There is no glory in being the forever rebel

no greatness in motivation that burns the soul

for each dead body marking the paths to great peaks

was once a greatly motivated soul

 

Yet, the currents suffocate, and I cannot breathe

not that I can help it, for I am unable to swim away

but the heart craves for someone to share these breaths with

to share the weight that I feel in my heart

 

And there was no great storm in the sky

and no godly voice that prevailed

simply a scarred hand reached in

and said, ‘hey, how’s the water?’

 

I found a face, both beautiful and bright

it said it had battles of its own, and would understand mine

It would not fight beside me, my wars would stay my own

It’d simply provide a place to come back to, somewhere to call “home”

 

She said, ‘where’d you wanna go? how much you wanna risk?

I’m not looking for somebody with some superhero gifts

Some superhero, some fairytale bliss

Just something I can turn to, somebody I can kiss.’

 

I said, ‘I want something just like this’

And the music flowed on its own

‘I want something just like this’

And the lights begun to glow

 

Like watching a metropolis from above, of golden snakes and silver clouds

from the darkness of my window, all outside seems so bright

but the captain soon turns on the light, and the lights outside grow dim

for once you find the light within, you don’t need the ones outside

 

She faces death each day, and knows both reality and brutality

Her heart holds all the aches she hears, and she looks for home to let them out

She knows life isn’t a chick flicks and charming men sweeping her off her feet

and she knows she cannot elope, beyond what she already has

 

All she wants is a hug amidst snow, and someone to accompany her to the mountains

all she wants is to travel to fulfill her heart’s desire

all she wants is to love, and be loved

all she wants is to be stimulated, not only with her body but to the core of her soul

 

She drapes herself plainly, and expresses her colorful soul

she charms with her elegance, and holds grace in her words

She tries to stay grounded, despite all her endeavors flying

she expects more from life, and isn’t afraid to throw a tantrum dissatisfied

 

She may not be a keeper,

not that it matters to either

sometimes you want someone to test the current

before you take them to the other side

 

She’s not faithfully mine, but I’m afraid of losing her again

She has made no commitments, but I already feel her completely mine

I have not touched her lips, but my words have touched her eyes

I may not have held her scent, but I’ve felt her heart beat wild

 

Her madness, her wildness, her passion, her vigor

leaves me short of words

this crucial point comes in every story when the next step defines the future

and I’m thankful to her, that she took my hand, and made the leap

 

They say there’re two kinds of women in the world

one that wants to make you a better man

another that makes you want to be a better man

Once I was flowing with ebbs and currents underneath the horizon

and then the Gods decided that I’d had enough

a scarred hand simply reached in,

and said, ‘hey! how’s the water?’

 

Vishal Gupta

July 13^th, 2022

Last Hug

“I suppose in the end, the whole of life becomes an act of letting go, but what always hurts the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye.” - Pi, Life of Pi

Last Hug

They say that in your last moments, your entire life flashes in front of your eyes

I believe that relationships might have a similar predicament

After all, a relationship has a life of its own

And like a human life, it is conceived, takes birth, and dies out with time

 

Relationships take time and care in infancy,

and cared for well enough, grow up strong with legs of their own

They support others finding their way, and evolve everyone around them

they also die from age, sickness, loneliness, and ideas spreading like the plague

 

And that’s what happened that fateful afternoon

when I knew it would be the last time we were seeing one another

Well, “last” isn’t really the correct term, as who knows what life might bring

But the next time, we would merely glance, nod, and move forward

 

We wouldn’t sit together and share thoughts both dull and deep

We wouldn’t hold hands and know the world would find its peace

We wouldn’t find solace in the embrace of a lover

We wouldn’t be honest as we once were to each other

 

So I looked upon her, as we stood there, not knowing if it was okay to walk away

but both knowing that it was the eventual fate of that day

Both not knowing how long it the inevitable would take

both fearing if we could somehow rectify this mistake

 

Sitting there looking at her remembering, how time had revealed each to the other

Like an onion, sometimes it stunk and sometimes it make them cry

But as we discovered more off each other, we discovered unfound layers beneath layers

And soon life would never be the same without my smelly stinky onion ever again

 

As she turned to walk away, I for once let go of inhibition

and charged towards her with the madness only loss knows of

I draped her in what I would remember for years later as the final embrace

Surprising her and captivating her at the same time, behind her hands holding me as well

 

It reminded of the first time I remembered her calling out my name

And the first time I held her hand

T’was the same night of the first kiss

And a memory of so many firsts, all rushing at once

 

Surprised was she at the charge and hug

for him keepings emotions numb was why she had to walk away in the first place

If only he would have done this before, so many times before

But both knew he couldn’t, he wouldn’t, that’s just not who he was

 

She remembered the times when she was in need of kind words

and his brought wisdom but no relief

And when times were tough and she needed a hand on her back

his would only stand beside her, in thwarting all attacks

 

Life would be long, and they would move on, and the last hug would stay with him

Comforting him in times of peril, torturing him on cold lonely nights

And time and again life would make him question, was it truly the last

Till time would eventually painfully give the answer, yes it was.

 

Vishal Gupta

20^th March, 2022

GMBA

Something from long ago. When the Sun first started to set on a bright world, and winter began.

GMBA Speech

Peers, Classmates, XLers, lend me your short attention spans;

I come to pass gyaan, not to gather it,

The gyaan that seniors give, lives after them;

The work is oft interred with their jobs;

So let it be with you. The noble CRISP

Hath told you to make a giant CV:

If it were so, it was a grievous fault,

And grievously hath you answer’d it.

Here, under the leave of Jittu and the rest—

For Jittu is an honorable man;

So are they all, all honorable men—

Come I to cry in my funeral.

XL was my school, harsh and vague to me:

But Jittu says it will be alright;

And Jittu is an honorable man.

He had brought many students in to XL

Whose loans did your CBI account fill:

Did in this Jittu seem ambitious?

When the the batch have cried, Jittu hath ignored:

“Alright” should be made of transparent stuff:

Yet Jittu says we’ll get placed;

And Jittu is an honorable man.

You all did see that on the brochure

We thrice asked him about the placements,

Which he did thrice ignore: Was this honor?

Yet Jittu says we need not worry;

And, sure, he is an honorable man.

I speak not to disprove what Jittu spoke,

But here I am to speak what I do know.

You all did never know him, not without cause:

What concerns you now, to withhold us?

O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts,

And men have lost their reason. Bear with me;

My heart is in the coffin there with this course,

And I must pause till it come back to me.

 

But yesterday the word of Abraham might

Have stood against you at JLT; now lies it there.

And none so brave to do him reverence.

O masters, if I were disposed to stir

Your hearts and minds to mutiny and rage,

I should do Jittu wrong, and Mishra wrong,

I will not do them wrong; I rather choose

To wrong the dead, to wrong myself and you,

But here’s a mail from the ID of Jittu;

I found it in mine, ‘tis his promise—

And they would go and kiss his ass

Yea, beg a toenail of him for memory,

And, dying, mention it within their wills,

Bequeathing it as a matter of joke

Unto their leisure.

 

Have patience, gentle XLers, I must not read it;

It is not meet you know how XL fooled us.

You are not wood, you are not stones, but men;

And, being men, bearing the promise of XL,

It will inflame you, it will make you mad:

‘Tis good you know not that you are his trueborns;

For, if you should, O, what would come of it!

 

Will you be patient? Will you stay awhile?

I have o’ershot myself to tell you of it:

I fear I wrong the honorable men

Whose daggers have stabb’d us; I do fear it.

 

You will compel me, then, to read the mail?

Then make a ring about the corpse of GMBA,

And let me show you those that made the batch.

Shall I type? and will you give me leave?

 

If you have CVs, prepare to tear them now.

You all do know this JLT: I remember

The frst time ever we came on;

‘Twas on a winter’s evening, in Shere Punjabaxi,

That day we overcame the borders:

Look, in this inbox came Jittu’s mail through:

See what a rent the envious Mess made:

Through this the well-beloved Abraham stabb’d;

And as he pluck’d his cursed words away,

Mark how the hopes of us follow’d it,

As rushing out of doors, to be resolved

If Jittu so unkindly knock’d, or no;

For Jittu, as you know, was our angel:

Judge, O you BM/HRs, how dearly Jittu fooled us!

This was the most unkindest cut of all;

For when our noble PlaceCom saw him stab,

Ingratitude, more strong than Your powers,

Quite vanquish’d him: then burst our faint hopes;

And, in his office muffling up his face,

Even at the base of the Admin building,

Which all the while remained silent, great GMBA fell.

O, what a fall was there, my XLers!

Then I, and you, and all of us fell down,

Whilst bloody treason flourish’d over us.

O, now you laugh; and, I perceive, you feel

The dint of pity: these are gracious laughs.

Hearless souls, what, laugh you when you but behold

Our loans invested wounded? Look you here,

Here we are ourselves, marr’d, as you see, with traitors.

 

Good BMs, sweet HRs, let me not stir you up

To such a sudden flood of thought.

They that have done this deed are honorable:

What private motives they have, alas, I know not,

That made them do it: they are wise and honorable,

And will, no doubt, without reasons stay mum.

I come not, friends, to steal away your hearts:

I am no poet, as Dadlani is;

But, as you know me all, a plain blunt man,

That love my career; and that they know full well

That gave me public leave to write and post:

For I have neither wit, nor words, nor worth,

Action, nor utterance, nor the power of pen,

To stir men’s blood: I only write right on;

I tell you that which you yourselves do know;

Show you sweet GMBAs’ wounds, poor poor dumb mouths,

And bid them speak for me: but were I Jittu,

And Jittu Gupta, there were a Gupta

Would ruffle up your spirits and put a tongue

In every wound of GMBA that should breathe

The stones of XL to rise and mutiny.

 

Why, friends, you go do you know not what:

Wherein hath we this deserved your loves?

Alas, you know not: I must tell you then:

You have forgot the will I told you of.

 

Moreover, XL hath left us in foreign walks,

Different teachers and new buildings,

On this side of campus; it hath left us,

And to our heirs for ever, common trifles,

To plead to you, and be isolated.

Here was a XL! when comes that realization?

 

Vishal Gupta

6 Oct 2014