Final Frontiers - Chapter 2/8

A note on the comments I got for the previous chapter: Guys, this is fiction! This story is too shitty to be real. Do you think this sort of thing can really happen!?

There're two very important lessons you have to learn if you're sitting for placements. One, if you are in CS, you will get placed. Two, if you are not in CS, you will see the CS students get placed. In essence, if you have done a project in the CS department, know a professor from the CS department or are even the janitor of the CS department, rest assured you will be placed.

I found this CV in the institute's PC lab. This is a real CV. I did not add anything to it. I just blacked out the parts which I thought that if made public, will become a point for a litigator against me.  I'm just trying to avoid that.
So yes, this is the CV I found.
And yes, I did not add anything.
And yes, the punctuation and grammatical sense is kept unchanged.
And yes, this is a 1 and-a-quarter page CV.
And yes, this guy got placed before day 6!

You might wanna use your "Open image in new tab" facilities for this one.

Final Frontiers - Chapter 1/8

This series came to me in a dream, which I happened to remember. Hence this series is completely fictional and is not related to any Prof, company, place or person. Any resemblance to any person, placed or unplaced is a mere coincidence. I sincerely hope that I will not be sent to jail for this.

As I was returning from a test for a company deemed to be a global leader in financial services and management consulting (yet for some reason brought 100 papers for a shortlist of 330 students at 7 AM when all xerox shops were closed), I began to wonder what went wrong? It was the 13^th day of placements and the world was scheduled to end within 8 days. According to the plan, I should’ve been placed by now. Obviously, I wasn’t. My mind went back to think what went wrong today. Or rather, what was going wrong for the last 13 days? Was there something inherently wrong with me which made me absolutely unemployable? I didn’t think so. I already had a PPO from the company I interned in. There must be something more than my luck working (or in his case, not working) for the last 13 unlucky days.

I began to think of the placement-committee. These were the people who directly influenced the subsequent careers of 1,700 TTIians. Yet, they were nominated. And 6 General Secretaries of events no one cares about  were directly elected by the students. Somehow… something seemed wrong in the equation. But then these were the most capable 11 people on the campus, that’s why they had been entrusted with such a big responsibility. But I’d closely been a part of their activities for the last 13 days. Before this time began, I’d maintained in all my statements that the team of AutumnFest was the most unprofessional team on the campus. It’s as if these people took note of my statement and said, “Challenge Accepted.”

Placements in TTI are a humbling experience. One goes through a wide range of emotions from extreme calmness to nervous breakdowns and from “this failure was a lesson from which I learnt” to “are you phucking kidding me!” There’re Group Discussions sessions where you can gain leverage if you learnt how to squeal in your 2^nd year. There’re interviews which ask you the most obscene questions you can imagine. And then there’s the unimaginable scale of folitics (not politics mind you!) which made a person as shameless as me feel saintly about myself and God knows I’m a person with low ethics! Yet, the placement season managed to surprise me.

But placements are not that bad out here. I learnt more during this time than what I learnt in the last 3 and-a-half years. I learnt how much the country was interested in our placements and how much, thanks to these news channels, my relatives were interested in me. I also learnt that recruitment interviews don’t expect you to answer questions in the way you feel right. If you’re doing that then that’s the mistake you’re making and the reason why you haven’t been placed yet. Interviews are more about what the saying what the interviewer wants to hear. If you’re able to chant, “You’re a stud, please take me. You’re a stud, please take me. You’re a stud, please take me” 108 times infront of the interviewer then there’s no chance you will not get placed. Infact he might offer you his own post if you’re able to do this 109 times, but I never reached that far.

I knew I was asleep, about to wake up, but this dream seemed to make sense. I did not want to wake up from it. I wanted to see how far down the rabbit hole it takes me...