...continued from Second Options - Part 1
Jaishith Jaswant. This one name is enough to send jibbers down the spine of any second year in my Hall. More popularly known as JJ because his name is too fearsome to be taken (like J. K Rowling’s Voldemort), this man speaks in a deep heavy voice which makes you want to listen to him even when he is burying you under the weight of his carefully handpicked vernaculars in the common room. The first thing you notice about this creature was his curly long hair which was actually a cross between the fur of a grizzly bear and leaves of a banana tree. I wondered if this was a desperate reaction to the overwhelming urge of seeing feminity in IIT, even if only in the mirror. I was sitting there in his room waiting for him to turn towards me and enlighten me with the “Seccy funda” which I would be questioned on in my SOP (Statement of Purpose. A pre-election event where the candidates are “formally” screwed). Though rooms in Kgp are mere 7’ by 11’ boxes, still it’s amazing how much one can hope to see in a Kgpian’s room. This guy lived alone in the box and in the name of furniture had an iron cot, a cemented rack to use as an almirah (without the door though) and three tables. I wondered if this is a perk of being a G. Sec. I lived with a roommate and we had only one table to share among ourselves. This guy lived alone and had three. On the first table, random papers were scattered everywhere. Soon I realized that it was a pool of certificates, assignments, to-do lists, calendars, charts, etc. The second table was the cleanest and was dedicated to the laptop alongwith an external hard-drive, a pen-drive, a CD bag, speakers, a charger, an external mouse, an external keyboard, earphones, headphones, a multi-plug, a webcam and another plethora of modern gadgets he believed life was impossible without. The cleanliness of the second table was sharply contrasted by the third table which was dedicated completely to cigarette packets. There were cigarette packets of all brands, empty cigarette packets, full cigarette packets, half-empty cigarette packets and even cigarette packets filled with ash. While it was very repulsive seeing those packets it was also quite tempting. I doubted if Jaishith would offer me one. I continued analysing the 7’ by 11’ box when the same husky voice which had haunted me for months finally spoke to me,
‘So, shall we begin?’
I would have liked to tell him that he didn’t give me much of an option and if he really were asking me my answer would be a straight no. But I decided to take the simpler way out.
‘Yes.’ I replied.
‘I’m going to give you a list of panellists. Buy a brand new diary, go to all of them and write whatever they tell you. When you go to them always carry a small gift like a chocolate or a cigarette. Don’t insult me and yourself by going to them with a notebook like this,’ he pointed to my half-torn copy. ‘Try to be in a proper dress when you go to them. Don’t be worried about me. Come to me however you want to. OP has ended, now you don’t need to fear from me. But remember that since I’m peaceful with you doesn’t mean every senior will be. Be careful when you go to them. And yes, remember to write a small Statement of Purpose about why you are contesting for this post, what would you do if elected and why you want to become a Seccy…’
‘And if I don’t want to become a Seccy?’
He smiled. ‘Of course you do. That’s what you are contesting for!’
For the next one hour Jaishith Jaswant, a.k.a JJ gave me a long range of funda about the literary events and the Hall in general. He told me about the who’s who in literary events in the Hall, about the people who have now graduated but had done something in this field for the Hall, the ones who did not do anything in this field but were a who’s who in the Hall, and the people who were to be approached, but did not matter in any way for the Hall. He also gave elaborate ideas about the various events, rules, loopholes in the rules, the judges, the loophole judges. I pondered if every panellist was going to give so many fundae. There were a total of 75 panellists. That would mean 75 hours or 3 days and 3 hours straight. I did the maths even while JJ told me about the rules regarding the disciplinary committee hearings. He then showed me his own Statement of Purpose from last year. It said,
‘I want to contest for the post of Literary Secretary of this Hall because I am interested in literary activities. I assure that if given an opportunity to become a secretary I shall take this Hall to levels of excellence it deserves. I want to become a Secretary so that I can contribute towards the Hall.’
The SOP was pathetic and it clearly showed on my face. He smiled. I think he felt the sadistic pleasure of the thought that finally someone else was going to go through the same trauma he had been through last year. He said, ‘Make your SOP simple, not good. The longer it is, the more they’ll have an opportunity to screw you.’
