In the rustle of men shoving past each other
to be a minute sooner to their destination
In the land of crowds and speed, and wants and needs,
I take a break to get away from the madness
To look for respite, in some place afar
Without maddening crowds and no end times
where I can spend time listening to inner voices
which seem to have shut down for the moment
I reach for a plane, giant bug in the sky
which takes me above, away from the traffics
I look out to images surreal, of layers and layers of clouds
layer after layer, protecting one another
And between 2 such sheets, emerges the mighty sun
Lights reflected on clean sheets and angels beckon to man
to conquer them to walk on them
To wish to spend my life amongst them
The beauty the sight remains in my heart
For I need to leave it, for my journey has reached a halt
I drive amongst mountains, mighty and old
I wonder how what they’d have seen, since their births from
yore
I wonder how they grew, fighting land and man alike
Or did they never care, and simply reach for the skies
Maybe if it didn’t rain out here, they’d have not been so
rocky
maybe they’d be smooth, not having to had fought the storms
Virgin mountains, bereft of rains, unscarred, innocent,
reaching for skies
Would they have been different, if not for their fights?
Perhaps the struggle was necessary, as told by the flowers
which grow on them
for what even would be the point, of rock simply reaching
sky
I wonder how He designed the world, where flowers grow on
rocks
all it takes is a little struggle, and a lot of patience
Again and again my mountains were washed,
and again and again they grew further still
Finding new strength, to protect their children
Or for personal ambition, they never failed or listened
Perhaps that is their lesson, stoical hard yet gentle to
love
Unfailing, unsmiling, living on in the world
Just then showers break
my clouds have come to life
Floating up there in the air as masses of specks
They choose to pour as water might
They drench me in love and terror
making me one with what I’d admired
its not the same as I had imagined
but I guess that’s how life works
I find shade and think of my struggles
So real in another world, yet illusions of some distant
reality here
Yet this moment of mine shall soon be a memory
when I go back and fight my own times
Never have I ever called out to God for help during those
days
Being atheist, I disregard such non-sense outright
I think I don’t deserve the right to believe in miracles of
Hers
No, my struggles have been mine and mine alone
For the universe has never made things right for me
The universe has never played it right
and I don’t think the universe ever will
So I miss the connection so many feel
I miss the sense of false protection I may have chosen to
have
And as I fight with aggressive and calm believers alike
I fight my battles alone, while being asked to believe
And believe I refuse to do, for already have I lost much to
faith
For keeping faith hath never done me any good
and I lack the patience of waiting lame
In the calm of surreal natural beauty
I look upon in silent contemplation
Amongst clouds and mountains and rains and Gods
I hunt for peace I cannot find
For failed have I to search within, failing still failing
will
Trying to find meaning in a universe without one
trying to look for inner voices now dead
I realize, I might be lost forever
Vishal Gupta
6 April 2016
